Below is Monk at her 2nd bday party. I may have posted this before but Hilly is sleeping and may wake up any second so I don't have time to go back and check. She dropped yogurt into her lap last night (gross), picked it up with her fingers and said, 'My got it!' Hell yeah, girl. Rock that language. I love when she comes out with original phrases.
So I enrolled Monk in hardcore swimming lessons that last 15 minutes and handing her off to a teacher who pretty much forces her to swim through screams. They say in a few months, she will like it but it looks and feels a lot like waterboarding to me. We'll see how things turn out.
So I am totally friends w the lesbian next door and I love her. She is the shit and her daughter turned 9 last night and they brought over some cake for Monkey and hung out for awhile. Since that neighborhood party, I have to like get dressed and brush my teeth and keep my floors relatively clean bc people stop by my house and hang out all the time. I definitely love it because I love hanging out but I wish I had that ability to freeze time and light a candle and spray Febreeze. Then I read that article on HuffPo today about how basically everything you use causes cancer. Awesome, yet entirely unsurprising. It's so funny- I always feel guilty about not keeping things clean enough or eating enough organic crap but then after a year of beating myself up over it- I learn all that crap causes cancer. The great irony is that I probably will die of cancer anyway. So I've been a slob all this time AND will suffer an untimely death. :) I kid.
So my MIL comes to the swimming lessons with me, which is nice in part because she can grab a kid and make sure Monk doesn't dash into traffic in a desperate attempt to avoid waterboarding. But it also means she sits there and suggests over and over again Mommy and Me classes at the Y. "I can even take her.." To boot, I have my eye on another potential mom-friend and she gives HER the same grief! Anyway, I think I'm going to take the plunge and ask if this mom-friend wants to get our kids together, particularly bc Monk isn't going to be attending part-time daycare anymore soon. Isn't it dumb that I am totally stressed about this change? I hate change and I never want to disrupt my daughter's routine- even though she never ever asks or wants to go to school. She loves her friends but wants to play with them when I am there, which is understandable considering the amount of hitting and biting that occurs in the daycare. Last week she was hit in the face with a broomstick and got a bloody nose and they never called me to tell me about it. When I went to pick her up I saw that she was wearing a different shirt and said, 'Did she have an accident?' (thinking with paint or water.. not blood) and her teacher said, 'Yes. There is an accident report in her cubby.' Umm... 'What happened?' Response: 'A broom fell on her when she was in line and she got a bloody nose.' They know I'm not at work- why wouldn't they call and give me a heads up? Wtf? Now the REAL question is: Why would I stress about removing her from this seemingly dangerous and incompetent environment?? (Disclaimer: I really do love the teachers and administrators, kids and parents at her daycare- but it's not perfect and I shouldn't be stressing something so dumb- especially when I love having her at home).
ANYWAY, the fam and I were visiting my dad the other week laughing about old times regarding my older brother- times which were very not-funny back in the day. For example: My dad loaned him his car one Friday night and my brother returned it the next day broken down with a cornstalk in the engine and over 400 miles put on it. The truth of the story is that right before my brother borrowed it, I had borrowed it and secretly drove it to P*ttsburgh. But the cornstalk and the rest of it? All my brother. The only question that came to my mind was, though: Why the hell would you let my brother borrow your car? He is 32 and a father and a seemingly responsible (cough) adult and I wouldn't let him drive my car to Walgreen's to buy me a Red Bull. I think I've detailed on here how both my step-dad and dad have also separately let him live in homes that they would otherwise have been renting out to legit tenants. In both homes- my brother let them go completely to sh*t, had crazy parties (especially my step-dad's) and never paid rent. My parents and step-parents were surprised by this. My idiot alarm is going off and it is looking like the idiot is not my idiot brother- that is pretty bad. The further emotionally removed I am from the chaos of the drama surrounding my older brother, the more I wonder at the insanity of my parents. He would get a DUI- his 2nd DUI- and fell asleep in the parking lot of a bar with the keys in the ignition. What did my mom say, 'Well, technically he wasn't DRIVING.' Dude. I'm going to go ahead and say the only thing from stopping him from driving was the fact that, by the grace of God, he passed the fuck out before getting on the road. When I said this to my mother, she looked at me like I was a traitor. Now, this was over 10 years ago, thankfully. When my brother was 16 through 25, it was super rough. He still graces us via his girlfriends who call my mom crying and say, 'He hasn't been home in 2 days. I checked his phone and he's texting other girls. What should I do?' My mom, bless her heart, always has told these girls that they deserve better treatment and should leave his sorry a$$. She is getting better at seeing the situation with clear eyes as she ages. AND THIS is where I announce that my brother has proposed to one of these said girls. Since the proposal there has been no drama. Yay! I am not stupid enough to think the drama is over. I really like this girl and think that she is good for him, but I absolutely foresee him breaking her heart. Mainly because he breaks every girl's heart that he possibly can. But the wedding is next June and their engagement party was fun as hell. It was in February and was the first time that I truly went out since I had my girls. Of course at 1am after a million shots called Girl Scout Cookies that tasted like oatmeal and sugar I started saying to my brothers and friends, 'I'm scared.' and they said, 'Why?' to which I would respond, 'Because I have 2 babies at home that wake up really really early.' And then J & I staggered home to my mom's house. My nephew was still up so I made him lay down and watch Finding Nemo with me despite his protests because I had the spins. In the morning my mom watched the girls until noon while J & I slept and when I woke up I was reminded why I don't go out drinking anymore. My hangover lasted until Tuesday. But since I literally never go out, I'm glad I did. Ya know my brother's wife who lies all the time? My older brother's fiance and I got her super drunk via those shots - the unintended byproduct was that I also got super drunk on those shots and ended up with an enormous bar tab- and she was actually cool for the night. Fear not, my friends, she resumed her uncoolness promptly after that incident.
In other news, with the unseasonably warm weather I have been playing with a great deal of sidewalk chalk and spending a lot of time at the park with my original mom friend. When I told her I found another potential mom friend, she confessed to me that she was feeling jealous and would be mad if she was replaced as mom friend number 1. This made me feel good because I was worried she was secretly harboring a mom friend that she liked more than me. My mom friend number 1 used to be a huge pothead in college and when she found out that her son (Monkey's BFF) bites all the new boys to establish his dominance in the class said to me, 'It's like a gave birth to a wild animal.' This one sentence sealed the deal on our friendship. My potential mom friend (from swimming lessons) seems like she might be a little too prissy, but she did meet her husband at a very drunken location at the beach and made a joke about needing a glass of wine- both promising. I feel like my mom-friend criteria might be a little dark. But ultimately I think I am just looking for someone funny and down to earth. I should start a business and scout out mom friends for new and existing moms. I am a genius. This screening process is grueling!
No comments:
Post a Comment