So my SIL is still preg. She called me while I was at grocery store purchasing bags of rice for an indoor rice sandbox thing to save my sanity while it was too hot for frolicking outside and told me that- long story short- she was preg w twins and lost a twin? I haven't thought about twins (beyond the occasional: OMG I'm so happy I do not have twins and, prior to having a child- 'it would be fun to have twins!' HA!!!) anyway, so this is what's up. Coming from my pathological lying SIL... this is either true (and unfortunate that only 10% of people believe she miscarried anything) or false (like her breast cancer, history of drugs and stripping and prostitution, upper mgmt position at nursing homes and department stores, and also her RN certification. Oh, and every one of my brother's friends being unable to resist her beauty. She loves the word "certified." The only thing I've been certified for was CPR and to practice law in my state.). My mom called me and was the happiest most trusting person alive. I decided the truth didn't matter- I mean, if she's lying it's kind of annoying that she made me feel sad, but I guess it was an interesting turn of events? Anyway, my other brother's fiance and I were at the same baby shower last night. We hadn't seen each other since the grand announcement and she looked at me and said, 'Let's not even talk about it.' I said, 'Do you believe it?' And she said, 'HELL NO. Don't even tell me if you do because you shouldn't.' Sigh. I guess once you have a history of telling extreme lies, it's tough to shake it if crazy unlikely things happen to you. Anyway, I'm happy my brother is having a child. I dreamed last night they were having a boy. This probably means it is a girl.
So I told MIL and she goes, 'So were they fraternal twins?' I said, 'I don't really know much about twins or this vanishing twin fiasco, so I don't know.' And she repeated the question. Twilight zone.
I maintain the hardest part of my pregnancies was maintaining sobriety with my in-laws. Although I really like my older brother's fiance and she has a lot of normal friendships and is definitely someone I would be friends w despite her relationship w my brother. I hope he doesn't ruin it.
I went to my neighbor's 40th bday party. Her husband is super pretentious and arranged for this crazy wine and food tasting thing. I still love her and find her beautiful. I hope I didn't accidentally offend too many of her family members. Her BFF cousin has a daughter named Adelaide. I keep saying to J, 'isn't that a pretty name?' and he's like, 'no, it's too common. i don't like it.' He said he hated it in front of her cousin. Usually I'm the one doing things like this so..... There is more to this story but I'm losing steam.
We went to 2 baby showers yesterday and it was a long day. I love talking baby names. And I found myself wanting another baby. Then I started to get mad at myself because- no joke- you have enough babies right now. I have no hands left. There is no reason to rush it. It must be hormonal or something. I told a girl I wouldn't mind being pregnant, but I wouldn't actually want the baby to come out and live with me. Isn't that f*cked up? So I asked Jim about a girls name and he said, 'I don't know if we should have more kids.' And then he immediately assumed I was mad. And I wasn't mad at all. I was just trying to find how I really felt and why I felt any urge at all to have more kids when we are pretty overwhelmed as it is. I realized that the only reason I feel like "now or never" (and there is no NOW, btw. no baby on the way for quite awhile, if ever) is bc I fear if we wait too long I will be stuck being a l*awyer forever. I feel like I can go back to school when our youngest is like 3 or something. I don't know. I just am afraid J is going to somehow pressure me into being a lawyer and it makes me want to punch him in the face. He hasn't pressured me to do anything, btw, it's just that I feel so passionate about NOT wanting to be a l*awyer that I straight up want to have all babies now so they can hurry up and grow and I won't be too old to embark upon a new career. That is messed up.. the LAST thing I want is for Monk and H to "hurry up and grow." I need to stop panicking about this job thing and just enjoy the fact that I can stay home with my nuggets. I guess it's hard going from "I am working toward this lofty goal" to "I am enjoying the moment." I am officially stowing away any ridiculous thoughts of wanting another baby or thinking 'oh, it would be fun!' because it would be too much right now and not even for the right reasons. Please note if J saw this he'd be like, 'We weren't even planning one for a long time from now, if at all.' But the truth is that I see a cute preg belly and think, 'Yay! I want to play too!' But this makes me want to punch myself in the face. I def think I have too many hormones as evidenced by my postpartum anxiety, acne, PMS, family history and desire to have a million kids. I remember this episode of This American Life called Testosterone- I reference it all the time in my head, so I prob have on here too. They took all the Testosterone from this man's body for some medical reason and he said he felt zero emotion and saw beauty in everything- including like, a nail in a piece of wood. I need someone to do this to me so I can start living in the moment and not panicking about what career I will retire in. It's difficult to switch gears but clearly I'm going to have to be intentional about it.
Okay, I'm through ranting about careers and baby fever. Because right now, I don't have either. Ha!
Monday, June 25, 2012
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Newsies
Hi friends,
So update on sad news: My SIL (the pathological liar) is having a miscarriage (I may have blobbed about this already but stay w me bc there are many posts I never end up getting to hit "publish" on due to someone puking/peeing/crying/injuring themselves). It started about a week ago with bleeding, but they hadn't yet lost the embryo and it was too early for the baby to have its own heartbeat so it was a "wait and see" thing. Then she kept on bleeding and her numbers weren't going up (evidencing the presence of pregnancy hormones). Then she lost it. Friday it was confirmed and I believe she was about 6 wks along - or at least it stopped developing at around 6 weeks. My heart really goes out to them- they waited for the perfect time for them financially to have a 2nd baby and my little brother really really wants a daughter. Miscarriages are always sad, I guess, but when they happen to your favorite little brother who is an awesome dad and uncle, it is extra sad. We were at my dad's for a Father's Day picnic and before he came he sent me a text that SIL (who was staying home due to feeling terrible and sad) wanted to make sure my crazy 3 yr old nephew didn't need his bathing suit. For some reason this broke my newly developed mother's heart even more for her. She's a mom, man. She lost her baby. It's sad. For the record, I always considered myself someone who would be okay w a miscarriage bc I would logically deduce that it was nature taking care of itself and there was an issue w the embryo and, it would be early anyway, so how attached could I be? I naively still think I'd feel that way even though when they told me I was "measuring small" w Monkey and needed an emergency u/s at 8 weeks, I cried my eyes out over my french fries at TGIFriday's an hour before my appointment. I called my now pregnant friend crying my eyes out. I didn't have any friends who had babies, did I? Now that I think about it, I did not. She probably was like, 'Crap, what do I say?'
Anyway, H just face planted in the hallway, got up and continued crawling. Trooper. She sits at the top of the steps at the gate, staring at the golden retriever for long stretches of time. True love, my friends. True love.
Sunday through Mon we spent with- drumroll please- MIL and FIL at the beach!!!!!!!!! You KNOW she provided me with entertainment. I gave TheBlind a play by play for moral support. It was intense.
1. We were all sober and on the porch and she kept repeating that I shouldn't "push" potty training. Anyone who sees me w my kiddos regularly knows I don't push ANYTHING. Monk had a bottle until she didn't want one anymore. And right now? If she asked me for milk in a bottle, I'd give it to her. She is still in diapers and only wears big girl undies when she wants to. Then she pees in them and we either put on a clean pair or a diaper (whatever she wants). She is still in a crib and J and I have no intentions on moving her to a bed at any point in the near future - why fix it if it's not broken, ya know? She still has a pacifier whenever she wants (people always give me tips on weaning her from the paci, but secretly, I don't find pacifiers offensive. My mom does, but she also finds thick sets of bangs attractive). So there is my parenting philosophy: I don't sweat the small stuff. That said, I've implemented a strict "no whining" rule because whining is super annoying. Also, my girls can't act like spazzes (sp?) or jerks. I want them to grow up to be kind to others and able to entertain themselves. Also, I want them to be doctors. But at this point in time all I can do is try to make them empathetic.
So MIL keeps saying, 'Don't push potty training'
I said, 'I don't and won't. I don't push anything.'
She repeated her mantra 'Don't push it. I've found it's better that way.'
I responded, 'I have no plans on pushing it. In fact, I'd rather her be in diapers for now.' (I don't like public bathrooms)
She repeated 'It's best not to push it.'
I felt like I was talking to Rosie the maid on The Jetsons, except Rosie would offer me more in terms of unconditional love and conversation.
THEN came the drunk stuff. SO MIL gets completely trashed - she started drinking wine heavily at like 5ish? And I guess didn't stop or something til 9 bc that's when she slinked off to bed in a huff. It was scary.
J started joking about how Good SIL found out that their great gpa (MIL's gpa) regularly traveled to England bc he had a mistress there. MIL slurred, 'I LOVED my grandfather. NEVER criticize him. Do NOT speak ill of my grandfather. He was a GOOD MAN. He provided for my grandmother. DO NOT CRITICIZE HIM EVER AGAIN!' This rant was long. I'm not doing it justice. Mid-rant J said, 'Mom, mom I'm just joking.' I chimed in, 'J, don't take credit for this information- throw your sister under the bus.' So J told his parents where he learned of this info and MIL responded, 'Besides, the mistress was in FRANCE!' And then basically excused his affair w some rationale about how he was over there a lot and blah blah. It made no sense.
Aside: the next morning they were talking about J's elementary school teachers (they talk about the elementary school teachers no joke every time they get together which is a lot- I don't know why they find this topic so fascinating). J said that his 3rd grade teacher is no longer Mrs. Smith-Jones, it's just Mrs. Smith. MIL responded like a jerk, 'Well she must not be easy to live with then.' I couldn't take it and said to her, 'How do you know that it wasn't Mr. Jones who was not easy to live with? Maybe he was having an affair.' She backtracked fairly quickly, but as evidenced in the paragraph above, it is apparent that an affair is acceptable in her drunken effed up world- so long as the man still "provides for" his family. A divorce is always the woman's fault. This BLOWS MY MIND. Although, from the POV of FIL, I'd divorce MIL in 2 seconds flat and it WOULD be her fault bc she's such a raging idiot.
Back to Sunday night's dinner: FIL started joking about how MIL's brother who is slow rants about what a fine family he is from. MIL agreed that he does think way too highly of the family. Then J joked about the business the family was in. MIL turned to him and gave him a death stare. I merely observed this happening. I am shocked that J forgot about his mother's asperger's and complete and total inability to joke about anything. I kid you not - I've never seen her laugh or tell a joke.
Okay, gotta go. H just hit her head accidentally against a wall.
xoxo
So update on sad news: My SIL (the pathological liar) is having a miscarriage (I may have blobbed about this already but stay w me bc there are many posts I never end up getting to hit "publish" on due to someone puking/peeing/crying/injuring themselves). It started about a week ago with bleeding, but they hadn't yet lost the embryo and it was too early for the baby to have its own heartbeat so it was a "wait and see" thing. Then she kept on bleeding and her numbers weren't going up (evidencing the presence of pregnancy hormones). Then she lost it. Friday it was confirmed and I believe she was about 6 wks along - or at least it stopped developing at around 6 weeks. My heart really goes out to them- they waited for the perfect time for them financially to have a 2nd baby and my little brother really really wants a daughter. Miscarriages are always sad, I guess, but when they happen to your favorite little brother who is an awesome dad and uncle, it is extra sad. We were at my dad's for a Father's Day picnic and before he came he sent me a text that SIL (who was staying home due to feeling terrible and sad) wanted to make sure my crazy 3 yr old nephew didn't need his bathing suit. For some reason this broke my newly developed mother's heart even more for her. She's a mom, man. She lost her baby. It's sad. For the record, I always considered myself someone who would be okay w a miscarriage bc I would logically deduce that it was nature taking care of itself and there was an issue w the embryo and, it would be early anyway, so how attached could I be? I naively still think I'd feel that way even though when they told me I was "measuring small" w Monkey and needed an emergency u/s at 8 weeks, I cried my eyes out over my french fries at TGIFriday's an hour before my appointment. I called my now pregnant friend crying my eyes out. I didn't have any friends who had babies, did I? Now that I think about it, I did not. She probably was like, 'Crap, what do I say?'
Anyway, H just face planted in the hallway, got up and continued crawling. Trooper. She sits at the top of the steps at the gate, staring at the golden retriever for long stretches of time. True love, my friends. True love.
Sunday through Mon we spent with- drumroll please- MIL and FIL at the beach!!!!!!!!! You KNOW she provided me with entertainment. I gave TheBlind a play by play for moral support. It was intense.
1. We were all sober and on the porch and she kept repeating that I shouldn't "push" potty training. Anyone who sees me w my kiddos regularly knows I don't push ANYTHING. Monk had a bottle until she didn't want one anymore. And right now? If she asked me for milk in a bottle, I'd give it to her. She is still in diapers and only wears big girl undies when she wants to. Then she pees in them and we either put on a clean pair or a diaper (whatever she wants). She is still in a crib and J and I have no intentions on moving her to a bed at any point in the near future - why fix it if it's not broken, ya know? She still has a pacifier whenever she wants (people always give me tips on weaning her from the paci, but secretly, I don't find pacifiers offensive. My mom does, but she also finds thick sets of bangs attractive). So there is my parenting philosophy: I don't sweat the small stuff. That said, I've implemented a strict "no whining" rule because whining is super annoying. Also, my girls can't act like spazzes (sp?) or jerks. I want them to grow up to be kind to others and able to entertain themselves. Also, I want them to be doctors. But at this point in time all I can do is try to make them empathetic.
So MIL keeps saying, 'Don't push potty training'
I said, 'I don't and won't. I don't push anything.'
She repeated her mantra 'Don't push it. I've found it's better that way.'
I responded, 'I have no plans on pushing it. In fact, I'd rather her be in diapers for now.' (I don't like public bathrooms)
She repeated 'It's best not to push it.'
I felt like I was talking to Rosie the maid on The Jetsons, except Rosie would offer me more in terms of unconditional love and conversation.
THEN came the drunk stuff. SO MIL gets completely trashed - she started drinking wine heavily at like 5ish? And I guess didn't stop or something til 9 bc that's when she slinked off to bed in a huff. It was scary.
J started joking about how Good SIL found out that their great gpa (MIL's gpa) regularly traveled to England bc he had a mistress there. MIL slurred, 'I LOVED my grandfather. NEVER criticize him. Do NOT speak ill of my grandfather. He was a GOOD MAN. He provided for my grandmother. DO NOT CRITICIZE HIM EVER AGAIN!' This rant was long. I'm not doing it justice. Mid-rant J said, 'Mom, mom I'm just joking.' I chimed in, 'J, don't take credit for this information- throw your sister under the bus.' So J told his parents where he learned of this info and MIL responded, 'Besides, the mistress was in FRANCE!' And then basically excused his affair w some rationale about how he was over there a lot and blah blah. It made no sense.
Aside: the next morning they were talking about J's elementary school teachers (they talk about the elementary school teachers no joke every time they get together which is a lot- I don't know why they find this topic so fascinating). J said that his 3rd grade teacher is no longer Mrs. Smith-Jones, it's just Mrs. Smith. MIL responded like a jerk, 'Well she must not be easy to live with then.' I couldn't take it and said to her, 'How do you know that it wasn't Mr. Jones who was not easy to live with? Maybe he was having an affair.' She backtracked fairly quickly, but as evidenced in the paragraph above, it is apparent that an affair is acceptable in her drunken effed up world- so long as the man still "provides for" his family. A divorce is always the woman's fault. This BLOWS MY MIND. Although, from the POV of FIL, I'd divorce MIL in 2 seconds flat and it WOULD be her fault bc she's such a raging idiot.
Back to Sunday night's dinner: FIL started joking about how MIL's brother who is slow rants about what a fine family he is from. MIL agreed that he does think way too highly of the family. Then J joked about the business the family was in. MIL turned to him and gave him a death stare. I merely observed this happening. I am shocked that J forgot about his mother's asperger's and complete and total inability to joke about anything. I kid you not - I've never seen her laugh or tell a joke.
Okay, gotta go. H just hit her head accidentally against a wall.
xoxo
Saturday, June 16, 2012
phone blob
We are en route to a wedding and baby shower in my hometown and I've been needing to tell this story.
So MIL emailed me saying she has this old Talbots tank that doesn't fit her anymore and she thinks it would look beautiful on me and would I like to take a look? Picking my battles, I
say ok, knowing there is no way in hell I will like it or that it will fit. I forgot about this email shortly thereafter. Then, at Monk's swim lessons on Tues my mom and I are sitting there and MIL arrives (she comes every week, which is nice for Monkey). She hands me an elaborately wrapped package. I said, "Thank you! What is this for?" She said "What we discussed." And I remembered: the shirt. Got home and my mom said "Open the present! Whay is it?" I said "An old shirt she doesn't want anymore." My mom didn't believe me. I opened it and we both stared at the bright blue crazy patterned tank that lay before us. Friends, I felt so happy I had a witness. My mom, still trying to "get" it, said "Why did she wrap it?" "I don't know." "Was it really hers?" "Yes." "Why did she think you would like it?" "I don't know." This even baffled J.
Also, GoodSIL gave her dad (FIL) a kindle she got as a party favor at some fundraiser (nuts, right?). FIL didn't want it so J took it. Then I misplaced my kindle (since found) and used it. It felt like I was using someone else's laptop. Anyway, I left it by my bed on the floor bc I read at night. A month ago, I stepped on the screen, heard a crack, saw it was broken. Googled it, learned I def broke it. Crap. Like a mature person, I hid it under the bed, praying J wouldn't decide he wanted this kindle. This morning J asks me where his kindle is and I said I didnt know. 2 seconds later he finds that mutherfcker under the bed, sees the screen and rationalizes it just needs to be charged. This would be no big deal except J has been driving me NUTS lately. He doesn't have enough work at work which is making him anxious, depressed, whiney and generally miserable to be around. I said this to his face, for the record. To boot, there was a water main break on Wed downtown which closed his effing office. So I've had to deal with his moping non-stop for like a million days now. It is no wonder unemployment is hard on a marriage. Anyway, I am praying he gets busy soon bc I can't handle his pessimism anymore. I always tell him he should marry my BFF TheBlind bc she is the only one who rivals him in negativity. They could just live together in one miserable, grizzly union. haha Just writing this is making me laugh. I love you, TheBlind! J is officially more negative than you. So when he found the broken kindle my stomach sank bc it wouldn't be like "oh, we will get another- it was free and a re-gift anyway," it would be like the worst tragic loss he ever endured and a reason to be grumpy all day.
So MIL emailed me saying she has this old Talbots tank that doesn't fit her anymore and she thinks it would look beautiful on me and would I like to take a look? Picking my battles, I
say ok, knowing there is no way in hell I will like it or that it will fit. I forgot about this email shortly thereafter. Then, at Monk's swim lessons on Tues my mom and I are sitting there and MIL arrives (she comes every week, which is nice for Monkey). She hands me an elaborately wrapped package. I said, "Thank you! What is this for?" She said "What we discussed." And I remembered: the shirt. Got home and my mom said "Open the present! Whay is it?" I said "An old shirt she doesn't want anymore." My mom didn't believe me. I opened it and we both stared at the bright blue crazy patterned tank that lay before us. Friends, I felt so happy I had a witness. My mom, still trying to "get" it, said "Why did she wrap it?" "I don't know." "Was it really hers?" "Yes." "Why did she think you would like it?" "I don't know." This even baffled J.
Also, GoodSIL gave her dad (FIL) a kindle she got as a party favor at some fundraiser (nuts, right?). FIL didn't want it so J took it. Then I misplaced my kindle (since found) and used it. It felt like I was using someone else's laptop. Anyway, I left it by my bed on the floor bc I read at night. A month ago, I stepped on the screen, heard a crack, saw it was broken. Googled it, learned I def broke it. Crap. Like a mature person, I hid it under the bed, praying J wouldn't decide he wanted this kindle. This morning J asks me where his kindle is and I said I didnt know. 2 seconds later he finds that mutherfcker under the bed, sees the screen and rationalizes it just needs to be charged. This would be no big deal except J has been driving me NUTS lately. He doesn't have enough work at work which is making him anxious, depressed, whiney and generally miserable to be around. I said this to his face, for the record. To boot, there was a water main break on Wed downtown which closed his effing office. So I've had to deal with his moping non-stop for like a million days now. It is no wonder unemployment is hard on a marriage. Anyway, I am praying he gets busy soon bc I can't handle his pessimism anymore. I always tell him he should marry my BFF TheBlind bc she is the only one who rivals him in negativity. They could just live together in one miserable, grizzly union. haha Just writing this is making me laugh. I love you, TheBlind! J is officially more negative than you. So when he found the broken kindle my stomach sank bc it wouldn't be like "oh, we will get another- it was free and a re-gift anyway," it would be like the worst tragic loss he ever endured and a reason to be grumpy all day.
Friday, June 8, 2012
Drama
So as some of you know, my nephew was born to my older brother and his then girlfriend turned fiance turned baby mommy. He is now 11, but I remember the moment I saw him like it was yesterday. Easily one of the happiest in my life. Even then, though, I knew that his life would not be easy, considering his parents and his situation, and to think of him broke my heart. I remember one drug-induced college memory- laying on my friend Sterling's bed really high one day- the rest of my friends were frolicking in the main room of the apartment- and letting hot tears fall down my cheeks as I thought about the bullsh*t this child had to endure. His parents are a perpetual source of drama, and- possibly as a direct result- he has grown into the most well behaved, least dramatic kind boy I've ever met. He is so loving with Monkey and H and was so excited to meet them. At holidays he plays baseball with Monkey for hours and, let's face it, she sucks at it. Probably because she's 2 but whatever. Anyway, here's the latest:
So since forever, baby mama has been a huge drinker and go-er outer (think back to when you were 20- she's been at that level of drinking continuously since she was... probably 14. She is currently 33.). My brother has too, for the record. Therefore, my mom and her mom have done a substantial amount of raising my nephew, P. Her mom is really awesome. Anyway, my bro pays child support and my mom pays for a ton of his stuff. His other grandma and mom I'm sure pay for a lot too. There is a written agreement re custody and I think it's like 40% my bro and 60% her.
Enter my bro's new fiance. She means well but she does not value 'keeping the peace' quite like we do. Peace is not something my family has known much of, considering my older brother and my step-dad. Remove those 2 players? Peace. Add them back in? No peace. So she started this campaign like, 'This boy needs a schedule that we all need to stick to, no throwing dollar bills at this and that- if [my brother] is paying child support then that is his contribution OR we "officially" get more custody since we have him all the time anyway and stop paying for her party lifestyle.' Currently, baby mama lives w her parents. The problem is that we aren't dealing with stable people. He has grown up being sort of raised by everyone, which has been really awesome frankly because I got to see so much of him whenever I wanted.
So bro's fiance must have mentioned something to baby mama about something. Not sure. But baby mama got pissed and went for more child support- hearing date set for July 5. My brother said he is fine with paying more, but now that he thinks about it, would also like to share custody 50/50. So today he went to court and filed an order. Within 4 minutes baby mama's attorney notified her of what my brother requested. She then called up my brother and told him that nobody in my family would see him until July 5 (the date of the child support hearing) and she also said he wouldn't be attending his baseball games this weekend blah blah (my brother is the coach) and throw a bunch of F bombs in there. Then she called my mom and told her that she would never be leaving P in her care ever again (what a b*tch, right? She should be scrubbing my mom's effing feet for raising her son. If I my son's baby mama was pulling this crap, I'd give her a piece of my Dutch mind. But my mom is gentle and weak. She cries a lot and is probably crying as a type this). I digress. Then she sent a similar text to my bro's fiance who responded that the only person baby mama is punishing is her very own son. Well, we are all sort of being punished also, but it's a nice line.
Anyway, so I look up the laws and it seems that because they have a written visitation/custody order, she can't just say, 'I'm keeping him til July, despite the order.' So on the next day my brother is to have him, he should make a demand in writing for his son (ex: "This is my night pursuant to X order. Where can I pick him up?"). If she refuses, he can file a complaint with the police and it is my understanding she will receiving some sort of contempt violation? Not sure of the details. I'm also not sure if the police will deliver P to my brother of if she keeps P and just is in contempt of the court - which looks terrible in the custody and child support hearings that are coming up.
I relayed my brief research to J and he was like, 'Calling the police is very dramatic.' It is and this is bad drama. I feel so bad for my nephew tonight. She will tell him the entire story and paint it in a very bad light. It kind of stinks that my bro's fiance couldn't have just left well enough alone. But if things are going to be official now, I say go ahead and get the order against her. She is a hot head though and has left everyone numerous hate voicemails throughout the years, including when P was a baby. The truth of the matter is that she is a single mother who has to work and also likes to go out drinking: she needs a babysitter and can't afford to pay someone. My family is absolutely integral to her life insofar as babysitting is concerned. That's why we've seen so much of him through the years. So by Wednesday, she may be over it and may bring P over to my brother's house.
I remember when we were younger, my dad threatening to get custody of us and stuff. And to be honest, the fact that he would tell us that crap is not a testament to his character. It's pretty sh*tty of him. My dad made no qualms about making my life miserable, trash talking my mom and step dad and why they got divorced. P's baby mama does the same. I know the reason my dad talked a big game is because he had many regrets: he was angry at himself for not living with us- he wanted to be with us full time, but to admit that it was his own doing was too painful for him. I think baby mama knows that she makes really bad decisions and pushes P off on relatives all the time, but to actually "lose custody" of him feels like an official acknowledgment of how mediocre she is as a mother. She stopped sending him to school at one point because she was sick (read: hungover) and she wanted him home to take care of her. He was in 4th grade. Umm, white trash central, right? She wasn't raised this way, so she really has no excuse for being this way. Her family is totally awesome. My brother found out through the school that this was happening and put an end to that. But that is the kind of behavior we are dealing with. Then again, maybe she's just mad bc she wants the child support money. I hope it's more than just that. She's not like the devil or anything.
So anyway, I just wanted to get that off my chest.
So since forever, baby mama has been a huge drinker and go-er outer (think back to when you were 20- she's been at that level of drinking continuously since she was... probably 14. She is currently 33.). My brother has too, for the record. Therefore, my mom and her mom have done a substantial amount of raising my nephew, P. Her mom is really awesome. Anyway, my bro pays child support and my mom pays for a ton of his stuff. His other grandma and mom I'm sure pay for a lot too. There is a written agreement re custody and I think it's like 40% my bro and 60% her.
Enter my bro's new fiance. She means well but she does not value 'keeping the peace' quite like we do. Peace is not something my family has known much of, considering my older brother and my step-dad. Remove those 2 players? Peace. Add them back in? No peace. So she started this campaign like, 'This boy needs a schedule that we all need to stick to, no throwing dollar bills at this and that- if [my brother] is paying child support then that is his contribution OR we "officially" get more custody since we have him all the time anyway and stop paying for her party lifestyle.' Currently, baby mama lives w her parents. The problem is that we aren't dealing with stable people. He has grown up being sort of raised by everyone, which has been really awesome frankly because I got to see so much of him whenever I wanted.
So bro's fiance must have mentioned something to baby mama about something. Not sure. But baby mama got pissed and went for more child support- hearing date set for July 5. My brother said he is fine with paying more, but now that he thinks about it, would also like to share custody 50/50. So today he went to court and filed an order. Within 4 minutes baby mama's attorney notified her of what my brother requested. She then called up my brother and told him that nobody in my family would see him until July 5 (the date of the child support hearing) and she also said he wouldn't be attending his baseball games this weekend blah blah (my brother is the coach) and throw a bunch of F bombs in there. Then she called my mom and told her that she would never be leaving P in her care ever again (what a b*tch, right? She should be scrubbing my mom's effing feet for raising her son. If I my son's baby mama was pulling this crap, I'd give her a piece of my Dutch mind. But my mom is gentle and weak. She cries a lot and is probably crying as a type this). I digress. Then she sent a similar text to my bro's fiance who responded that the only person baby mama is punishing is her very own son. Well, we are all sort of being punished also, but it's a nice line.
Anyway, so I look up the laws and it seems that because they have a written visitation/custody order, she can't just say, 'I'm keeping him til July, despite the order.' So on the next day my brother is to have him, he should make a demand in writing for his son (ex: "This is my night pursuant to X order. Where can I pick him up?"). If she refuses, he can file a complaint with the police and it is my understanding she will receiving some sort of contempt violation? Not sure of the details. I'm also not sure if the police will deliver P to my brother of if she keeps P and just is in contempt of the court - which looks terrible in the custody and child support hearings that are coming up.
I relayed my brief research to J and he was like, 'Calling the police is very dramatic.' It is and this is bad drama. I feel so bad for my nephew tonight. She will tell him the entire story and paint it in a very bad light. It kind of stinks that my bro's fiance couldn't have just left well enough alone. But if things are going to be official now, I say go ahead and get the order against her. She is a hot head though and has left everyone numerous hate voicemails throughout the years, including when P was a baby. The truth of the matter is that she is a single mother who has to work and also likes to go out drinking: she needs a babysitter and can't afford to pay someone. My family is absolutely integral to her life insofar as babysitting is concerned. That's why we've seen so much of him through the years. So by Wednesday, she may be over it and may bring P over to my brother's house.
I remember when we were younger, my dad threatening to get custody of us and stuff. And to be honest, the fact that he would tell us that crap is not a testament to his character. It's pretty sh*tty of him. My dad made no qualms about making my life miserable, trash talking my mom and step dad and why they got divorced. P's baby mama does the same. I know the reason my dad talked a big game is because he had many regrets: he was angry at himself for not living with us- he wanted to be with us full time, but to admit that it was his own doing was too painful for him. I think baby mama knows that she makes really bad decisions and pushes P off on relatives all the time, but to actually "lose custody" of him feels like an official acknowledgment of how mediocre she is as a mother. She stopped sending him to school at one point because she was sick (read: hungover) and she wanted him home to take care of her. He was in 4th grade. Umm, white trash central, right? She wasn't raised this way, so she really has no excuse for being this way. Her family is totally awesome. My brother found out through the school that this was happening and put an end to that. But that is the kind of behavior we are dealing with. Then again, maybe she's just mad bc she wants the child support money. I hope it's more than just that. She's not like the devil or anything.
So anyway, I just wanted to get that off my chest.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Emergence
Is that a word? Did I spell that right?
Anyway, must be the season of procreation because I have about a million baby showers to go to soon. But more likely, I think people turn 30 and think "Holy crap, I better have a kid now." No joke. I say this mainly because my friend who like never reads this but always does read it whenever I mention her name (she must have some weird blog sixth sense) said to me, 'I'm effing 30 dude. I want a baby.'
To be perfectly honest, I find '30' to be very arbitrary. And..... young? Maybe this is because in my neighborhood I'm the youngest. Next youngest people are next door and 40- and even they seem young. People across the street are in their 80s. Even they seem young. And a hell of a lot more knowledgeable about home ownership than J and me. I mean I've established on this blog that you can die anytime.... so if you die at 35, 34 is mad old. If you're going to live to be 80, 30 is pretty freaking young. So we never know at any point how young or old we are. I think we all know where this is going: The moral of the story is take magic mushrooms whenever you have the opportunity. Because you never know where you will be offered them again. This is on my bucket list. I plan to be 78 and tripping on mushrooms in Amsterdam. Ya know- something to tell the great great grandkids about.
My SIL (the pathological liar) is pregnant. Their first kid is SOOOOOO hard to control. My brother straight up told me he's praying the 2nd one will be better. Haha they were terrified to even try for another because of what might emerge from her womb. That said, my 9 month old is almost crawling and is whining like a mother lately. Yesterday J and I briefly considered calling up the adoption agency and seeing if it was too late. JK, H-monster. I love you. But seriously, I wanted her to be quiet really really bad. Just for like 3 minutes while I collected my thoughts.
Also, the daycare was sold to new owners last week. I got tipsy Friday night and wrote the daycare owner a sweet email. I woke up the next morning with the scaries, afraid I had professed my love for her or something (she was never a girl crush, but the director was a long time ago and I totally gave her a shout out in the email). Anyway, since I am not a native of this tiny, close knit state, most everyone I've met has been through work, living nearby, or the daycare. Lame, but true. So like a pathetic little puppy, I developed a fondness for these owners who were kind of weird and maybe addicted to painkillers. The woman gave me tons of hugs and told me to stay home with my babies. She dressed up as Snow White for Halloween each year and looked exactly like Snow White. Anyway, I didn't write anything weird. And I realized how long it takes to really become acclimated with a new place when you aren't single and at the bars a lot.
Did I tell you we were invited to our next door neighbor's ("D's") birthday party? D is turning 40 and I'm a little nervous because all their friends are old and rich and.... dull and don't really share my sense of humor. My best mom-friend Lisa, thankfully, does, so I know I'm not the only person in the world who thinks what I say is funny. But I think these neighbors look down on me for not having gotten the huge scratch on my car fixed for 5 months. But it was only because my lease is up this month and I kept hitting the same fence and I only wanted to pay the $500 deductible once. D's party is in a mansion and the mansion-wife is a lawyer for some huge oil company down in TX so she is only here on the weekends and mansion-husband is a retired school teacher (retired because his wife brings in so much dough) and spends his days overseeing working men at his house and walking his dog. D told us that this couple "adopted" them and has them over for holidays and stuff. Mansion-husband spends long hours talking to both our neighbors next door and always has, and J and I can't figure out what they talk about for so long. Because they aren't laughing and having funny convos. It's like weird quiet serious talking that they clearly don't want outsider (ahem... ME) to join in. One time I was walking the dogs in December and mansion-husband said to me as I walked by his mansion, "Walking alone today?" And I said, "Nobody is a fan of this cold weather in my house but me and the golden retriever." And he said, "Well, you don't seem to mind it." And I said, "Not today, at least!" And then it was really awkward and I sort of ran away feeling violated and uncomfortable. I feel like our conversation should've been easier than that. Maybe I was nervous because of all the build up. ANYWAY, I made myself feel better about my failed awkward conversation by deciding that he either wants to bang either the man or D who live next door to me (maybe both). Back in the day on this blog I laughed about how D had some asian woman over giving speech lessons to their son. It's so funny because now their son is 4 and spends the greater portion of his life staring in our windows, wanting to play with Monkey. And, for the record, he speaks only English. I guess the Japanese lessons weren't working out. Haha My point is that I can't figure out why my neighbors (particularly D) don't think I'm best friend material. Ya know what? F*ck them. Because I am.
Also on the docket is the fact that I've been desperately trying to get my girls to nap at the same time. Know what Monk did? The baby was sleeping and starting to wake up so in her crib, Monkey started yelling out in her "I'm trying to work up the baby" yell- to rouse the baby as she fell asleep. I called J like, "I need this time!! Ahhh!" I really really wanted to watch the latest episode of Girls. He said, "Let both of them cry. It's nap time." I knew I married him for a reason. If I hadn't woken up with the baby at 5:30am, I dare say I would've thought of it myself.
Anyway, must be the season of procreation because I have about a million baby showers to go to soon. But more likely, I think people turn 30 and think "Holy crap, I better have a kid now." No joke. I say this mainly because my friend who like never reads this but always does read it whenever I mention her name (she must have some weird blog sixth sense) said to me, 'I'm effing 30 dude. I want a baby.'
To be perfectly honest, I find '30' to be very arbitrary. And..... young? Maybe this is because in my neighborhood I'm the youngest. Next youngest people are next door and 40- and even they seem young. People across the street are in their 80s. Even they seem young. And a hell of a lot more knowledgeable about home ownership than J and me. I mean I've established on this blog that you can die anytime.... so if you die at 35, 34 is mad old. If you're going to live to be 80, 30 is pretty freaking young. So we never know at any point how young or old we are. I think we all know where this is going: The moral of the story is take magic mushrooms whenever you have the opportunity. Because you never know where you will be offered them again. This is on my bucket list. I plan to be 78 and tripping on mushrooms in Amsterdam. Ya know- something to tell the great great grandkids about.
My SIL (the pathological liar) is pregnant. Their first kid is SOOOOOO hard to control. My brother straight up told me he's praying the 2nd one will be better. Haha they were terrified to even try for another because of what might emerge from her womb. That said, my 9 month old is almost crawling and is whining like a mother lately. Yesterday J and I briefly considered calling up the adoption agency and seeing if it was too late. JK, H-monster. I love you. But seriously, I wanted her to be quiet really really bad. Just for like 3 minutes while I collected my thoughts.
Also, the daycare was sold to new owners last week. I got tipsy Friday night and wrote the daycare owner a sweet email. I woke up the next morning with the scaries, afraid I had professed my love for her or something (she was never a girl crush, but the director was a long time ago and I totally gave her a shout out in the email). Anyway, since I am not a native of this tiny, close knit state, most everyone I've met has been through work, living nearby, or the daycare. Lame, but true. So like a pathetic little puppy, I developed a fondness for these owners who were kind of weird and maybe addicted to painkillers. The woman gave me tons of hugs and told me to stay home with my babies. She dressed up as Snow White for Halloween each year and looked exactly like Snow White. Anyway, I didn't write anything weird. And I realized how long it takes to really become acclimated with a new place when you aren't single and at the bars a lot.
Did I tell you we were invited to our next door neighbor's ("D's") birthday party? D is turning 40 and I'm a little nervous because all their friends are old and rich and.... dull and don't really share my sense of humor. My best mom-friend Lisa, thankfully, does, so I know I'm not the only person in the world who thinks what I say is funny. But I think these neighbors look down on me for not having gotten the huge scratch on my car fixed for 5 months. But it was only because my lease is up this month and I kept hitting the same fence and I only wanted to pay the $500 deductible once. D's party is in a mansion and the mansion-wife is a lawyer for some huge oil company down in TX so she is only here on the weekends and mansion-husband is a retired school teacher (retired because his wife brings in so much dough) and spends his days overseeing working men at his house and walking his dog. D told us that this couple "adopted" them and has them over for holidays and stuff. Mansion-husband spends long hours talking to both our neighbors next door and always has, and J and I can't figure out what they talk about for so long. Because they aren't laughing and having funny convos. It's like weird quiet serious talking that they clearly don't want outsider (ahem... ME) to join in. One time I was walking the dogs in December and mansion-husband said to me as I walked by his mansion, "Walking alone today?" And I said, "Nobody is a fan of this cold weather in my house but me and the golden retriever." And he said, "Well, you don't seem to mind it." And I said, "Not today, at least!" And then it was really awkward and I sort of ran away feeling violated and uncomfortable. I feel like our conversation should've been easier than that. Maybe I was nervous because of all the build up. ANYWAY, I made myself feel better about my failed awkward conversation by deciding that he either wants to bang either the man or D who live next door to me (maybe both). Back in the day on this blog I laughed about how D had some asian woman over giving speech lessons to their son. It's so funny because now their son is 4 and spends the greater portion of his life staring in our windows, wanting to play with Monkey. And, for the record, he speaks only English. I guess the Japanese lessons weren't working out. Haha My point is that I can't figure out why my neighbors (particularly D) don't think I'm best friend material. Ya know what? F*ck them. Because I am.
Also on the docket is the fact that I've been desperately trying to get my girls to nap at the same time. Know what Monk did? The baby was sleeping and starting to wake up so in her crib, Monkey started yelling out in her "I'm trying to work up the baby" yell- to rouse the baby as she fell asleep. I called J like, "I need this time!! Ahhh!" I really really wanted to watch the latest episode of Girls. He said, "Let both of them cry. It's nap time." I knew I married him for a reason. If I hadn't woken up with the baby at 5:30am, I dare say I would've thought of it myself.
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