New Year's Resolution

My New Year's resolution is to give birth.

Long One- Sorry!

First of all- Happy Holidays!! I hope everyone survived. I haven't written lately for a few reasons.

1. We returned from Xmas get-together #5 to the messiest house ever. 1st order of business was to clean that sh*t. I didn't want to head into labor, have a c-section & end up living in a dump for 6 wks while bedridden. J just doesn't do a thorough job of cleaning floors (or bathrooms). Besides, he still has to put together a swing & travel crib. When I tire of waiting for him to motivate, I start the project myself. He'll walk in, inform me its "man work" & he can take a hint & finish it. But what's really cute (cuz the waiting on his a$$ aint' cute) is after he's finished, he'll walk me through "how it works." So last night he put together this rocker thing that vibrates (???). He insisted I come up & see how it turns from a rocker to different reclining positions, etc..

2. I've been SICK. I knew I'd get sick from the running around & hanging out w kids. Good SIL's kids had snot running out of their noses the entire duration of our visit. We went to the children's service at church where there were 10K children. Then the country club- kid central. I got something from someone & it wasn't pretty (I'm starting to feel better, though).

3. I've been busy buying last minute crap for the baby. (Sorry to make this a baby blog entry. I promise tomorrow will be different). I decided to try breastfeeding (& pumping bc I can't breastfeed in front of friends/family/the general public). This decision was involved, as I had to select a pump (I'm not going to pump once I go back to work, FYI). I also got those weird pads so you don't leak all over. When I placed the order online, I simultaneously envisioned my s*ex life going directly out the window forever. Then there were nursing bras & tank tops & shirts (all online at the Gap). Then the breast milk STORAGE containers. I'm hoping the baby can take both a boob & a bottle.

I always worry I do stuff too early & then I realized that it'll take about 2 wks to receive this crap & by that time I'll be about 39 wks pregs. Yikes! I'm scared!

4. I have really bad insomnia. I wake up between 3-4am every night. I usually read during this time, but I've had trouble concentrating due to high anxiety. I worry about things ranging from the baby dying of SIDS, dying during child birth, dogs getting loose, J dying in a horrific car accident, my mom being diagnosed w cancer- I'm talking some serious morbid sh*t. Usually around 5am I'm able to fall back asleep again. This obviously contributes to a feeling of utter exhaustion by day. I know you're thinking: SOMEBODY NEEDS A JOB. I concur, for the record.

Breakfast in Groups

J got me a really nice new camera for Xmas, so last night I took over 150 pictures of my dogs. The beagle pretends to hate it, but... does that look like the face of one who doesn't want her picture taken? Not to me, folks.

Last night J & I had our annual holiday disagreement over whose fam we see more. While my family gets together 14x throughout the holidays, we actually SLEEP OVER at his family's house. And, yo.... every hour counts.

I also don't like waking up & eating breakfast in other people's homes- or homes where you can't say, without offending someone, 'Where's the Starbucks? I'm going to get some. See ya.' Or 'Let's go to the diner. Hurry up.' If eating at home, I prefer to select my own breakfast & eat it while staring at a computer or TV. I don't want to converse or stare at someone's face.

Alas, my complaints directly result from MY OWN inflexibility & selfishness. J's fam shouldn't be crucified merely bc they offer you food when you awake & expect you to eat politely & in civilized manner around a table. MY fam is the problem- its anarchy. Upon waking you may burst out the door announcing, 'Going to the diner! May or may not be returning! Nobody is invited!' But that isn't considered rude in a state of lawlessness. My mom would likely respond, 'Wait! I'm COMING WITH! I'll buy!' En route, someone would notify the troops (read: brothers) that mom's buying breakfast & we'd all end up at the diner, trash talking the unfortunate, innocent soul who declined the invite (not that they'd care anyway). Ahh.. comfortable, familial love.

My step-dad will sometimes pull the "politeness" card. Like the time he told me that when I left without saying good-bye it really "hurt his feelings." His expectations of civility are too high (artificially so). He makes us all uncomfortable (for a trillion reasons). I mean, we may leave without saying good-bye, but at least we won't steal your significant other's panties & hide them in our office desk drawer.

Random Christmas Highlights (or Lowlights)

1. Back in 4th grade, Santa brought me Mariah Carey's Musicbox for Xmas. I vividly recall sitting at my grandma's listening to "Hero" very loudly on my new Discman on a chair in the corner. What a creep.

2. My dad generally means well, but he's a manipulative authoritarian father-very strict. My bros & I likely would've turned out differently had he been our primary caretaker. We'd either be in jail for murder (of him, that is) OR we'd be successful neurosurgeons. Anyway, periodically on Xmas during our teenage years he'd tell us he was moving to FL-at least for winter. He never did move. Ironically... or sadly, he stopped mentioning this desire once we were old enough to truly not give a sh*t. Prior to us not giving a sh*t, his strategic announcement would elicit tears. In retrospect, he was just trying to get us to spend more time at his house- my parents were constantly fighting over who had us for what holidays. Neither of them were ever satisfied, since they both wanted us all the time & never did learn to compromise. As an adult looking back, I can't believe he'd put us in that position. What a d*ck.

3. Now for a pro-dad memory: Every NYE when we were young, my mom would have plans & we'd go to my dad's house where he'd have a party for us. We ate pizza, played board games til midnight, ate ice cream sundaes & watched the ball drop with flutes of ginger ale. It was awesome.

4. Santa came to my dad's house in Xmas Eve morning & brought a ton of gifts- including one big one - like a bike, stereo, nice camera, train set (for a brother), etc... Then on Xmas day, he came to my mom's- also bringing a sh*t ton of gifts- including one big one that was unwrapped. On Xmas day we'd then go to my grandmother's, where we received just as many gifts as we received that morning, often including one big one. I remember paging through catalogues, just writing down random things I thought I might want bc I knew that people or Santa would run out of things to bring me. Santa came once a yr for J & his "big" gift was, like, a baseball bat or a lacrosse stick. The price I paid for being spoiled was dealing w my f*cked up parents & step-parents.

Alright, I've probably written enough depressing crap about my family for one day. My mom tells me that I have a tendency to remember only negative things about my childhood & that I don't give her credit for any of the good things (I occasionally ask her what she was thinking when X occurred or when she said X or precisely how she wanted the custody arrangement to work out, etc... ) I recognize this may be true. I also recognize that we all do the best we can in our situations. I've made many mistakes in my adulthood- ones that would certainly scar offspring - if I had them. And, at my age my mother already had multiple children. I'll probably end up scarring my children in ways I can't fathom at this time.

RIP Brittany Murphy

Sad, right? I'm still not over the death of the Golden Girls.

So J & I had a weekend filled w extended family Xmas stuff, but all was cancelled due to snow. Frankly, I wasn't bummed about spending the entire weekend on the couch. The 2 ft of snow affected me not (J probably feels a bit differently).

New Year's parties:

Umm.. I'm avoiding them. We declined a wedding invitation (not supposed to travel in month 9 &... I'm done going to weddings pregnant). I'd normally lose sleep w excitement over such an event- pretty dress, lots of make up, high heels & a bottomless glass of wine? Best Night Ever. Until now. J was sad we were missing this couple's ceremony, while I was sad I was missing a well-earned annual New Year's Day hangover (See how lucky our baby is to have J as a dad???!!).

I generally attend low key New Year's Eve celebrations. And I'm a sucker for wanting to watch the ball drop in Times Square. Do you realize how uncool it is to be at a party or bar & beg for someone to turn on Times Square? I've done this countless times & faced much mockery (almost as much as when I drunkenly & shamelessly beg the bride to please let the band/DJ play the Electric Slide). When I miss it, I feel like I missed New Year's. I love watching the last few seconds of the year & the confetti & then that moment of quiet as everyone watches the people in NYC singing. It's so beautiful & sad & hopeful. Wow, I'm lame.

I am a Bore

An out-of-town friend (which includes.... ALL my friends, come to think of it). She's a real trooper bc instead of having cocktails & apps... or even beer & a cig- we sat at a diner while I stuffed my face w my craving of the day. Diners are perfect, as the possibilities are endless. Then we went to Michael's so I could buy more paint for the nursery. Then we came home & watched J put together our downstairs pack'n'play/changing table. Oh, then I watched her & J wrap Xmas gifts (I do a terrible job... sometimes I think purposely so J will never expect it to be my job.). Then we watched Jersey Shore & went to bed.

Didn't I used to be fun? Maybe I was just a substance abuser. Maybe both. Definitely both.

Also...

I just wanted to do a quick tribute to my figure of yore. See my little boobs? How easy they were? Small & portable. I'd also like to add that I thought I had a gut at the time this picture was taken (our honeymoon). How hilarious is that? The grass is always greener, I suppose.

Only about 5 more wks to go....

35 Weeks

Here I am in all my unshowered glory. I had to crop my head from this picture bc the mere sight of my unwashed greasy hair & mascara smeared eyes makes me want to vomit even more than the feeling I get when I attempt to wear my jeans of yesteryear.

I've changed wife beaters to the traditional white, as you can see. Big changes in these parts. I don't know if this qualifies as a step up or a step down.


Below is a super depressing picture of what I hope to tackle today. That pile is located in our guest bedroom (the rest of which is relatively clean). But I find it to be insurmountable in terms of organization. It's comprised of a red blanket I hate (but was a gift from Good SIL so I can't trash it), a hawaiian shirt, warm-up pants (that I'll probably trash), piled on a tupperwear of my wrinkled dry-clean-only work clothes... which probably won't fit by my work start date. Oh, & a cork board.


Meanwhile I've done the baby's wash- all her newborn & 0-3 mos clothes, blankets, washcloths, sheets, etc... in Dreft (hypoallergenic laundry detergent, which some say is unnecessary). It was the last thing I felt like doing- so I figured I'd probably feel like doing it even less as the weeks progress.

I would call this "nesting," but the definition of "nesting" includes phrases like "sudden bursts of energy" & "strong desire to organize"- neither of which I have. My body may manifest its nesting instict by sitting on the couch eating ice cream while watching TV. Wouldn't that be a shame?! Or more like a shameful delight. It certainly beats laundry.

Q & A Session

I'm on my way to see Jesus's colic-y new baby, but I wanted to blog real quick. I texted her last night, hoping she'd say, 'We're too tired for guests!' but she responded, 'Come ASAP!' So off my fat a$$ goes to visit a screaming baby & a lonely mama.

My friend, TheBlind, asked me a few questions regarding my last blog entry that I figured I might as well answer publicly.

1. What is effacement? From Wiki, in short: Prior to effacement, the cervix is about 4 cm in length. In pregnancy, its tightly closed. As effacement occurs, the cervix shortens, pulling up into the uterus and becoming part of the lower uterine wall. I'd like to add that the cervix is, like, corked w a mucus plug that some pregnant women LOSE- either in whole (vomit) or in parts- & I guess it just looks like bloody stuff. I haven't yet experienced the wonder that is my mucus plug but, rest assured, I'll keep you posted.

2. How did the doctor know how far I was dilated/effaced? He shoved his finger up my vagina. Like, really far. It wasn't the most comfortable feeling, but it didn't hurt either. I thought I'd be in stirrups w a big light shining down on my nether regions & he'd have a ruler out. But he actually could estimate both dilation & effacement w a touch of his educated finger.

I'd like to finish up what was supposed to be a quick post w an update on my horrible body image. In the past, I dreamt of a boob job. I thought it would be fun to be a full C or even a full B. My 36C bra is TIGHT AS SH*T. I don't like big boobs. I change my mind. I want my little boobs back.

A final, final thought- I feel like insurance companies should pay for "mental health" ultrasounds. Bc I b*tch & b*tch about my fat body. Then when I have my u/s- I realize how worth it getting fat actually is. I tend to forget that it's not all about me. I see her little lips & nostrils & hear her beating heart & see her little feet & spine & ribs & fingers and I actually feel super guilty for even thinking for one second that I've gained too much or for resenting my new bod. I actually have no desire to be a skinny pregnant woman that results in an underweight baby. I want to give her every advantage that I can & I feel truly blessed to have her in my life. In short, I'm able to see the bigger picture. And it doesn't include for one second my temporary physical discomfort.

On that note, I'm going to get an egg mcmuffin. :)

Baby Pains

I was correct: Baby has descended. In other news, I'm 25% effaced & 1 cm dilated.

What does this mean? Nothing really. I can & probably will stay this way for over a month. Some people are like 80% effaced & 3 cm dilated for 4 weeks & their babies are 1 week overdue. On the contrary, other women aren't dilated at all & will have the baby that very night. So no need to run for cover. Or, in my case, no need to start doing laundry & finishing up the nursery. I gots at least 5 weeks, right?

What I can tell you firsthand that the dropped baby DOES mean for ME: I am super f*cking uncomfortable. Slightly nauseous, it's painful to sit for too long a time period, it's painful to walk for too long a time period & walking ain't easy. I'm also really tired.

So I'm glad that back in the beginning of my 3rd trimester I did all those things that many thought it was too early to do- like buy a nasal aspirator & the rest of the clothing she needs, etc.. bc that stuff seems like a lot of effort right now.

My lovehandles are also out of control. I'm anxious about what I'm supposed to wear for upcoming Xmas gatherings. J wants us to head to Good SIL's (where we're spending Xmas) on Dec 23, rather than Xmas eve. I'm not going to come out & say 'no,' but.... dude. I want 1 more day to TRY to poop in my own bathroom ("Try" being the operative word, but I value even the more-often-than-not ultimately unsuccessful attempt.), I want one less outfit to pick out & one final shower in my own bathroom, one more night of sleep in my own bed, one more meal picked out by ME & eaten in peace. Being away for 3 days seems loooooong.

Not too long ago, I looked forward to such mini-vacations!

Updates

As crazy as it gets around these parts:

1. Last night I awoke w a sharp pain at the bottom of my uterus. I assumed I had to pee (though this pain hasn't accompanied a full bladder previously), so I tried to get up, failed & remained in pain for about a minute. After some mid-morning googling, it appears the baby *may* have dropped (also evidenced by today's altered fetal movements & corresponding waddling. So hot.). I'll know for sure tomorrow at the doctor. Otherwise, it's my pelvis doing something funky in preparation for the big day.

2. Saturday night I attended a college friend's party (the one I made out w). Old roommate, (N- from Amsterdam) was there, as was maid-of-honor N. So it was really fun, but I was sober. Poor J had to sit there & listen to his wife's past sexual exploits. Thank God he was drunk.

3. Crazy SIL (my little brother's wife- to be distinguished from Evil SIL which is J's sister)- emailed me asking how I was doing. I responded, "I'm doing good. Just enjoying my last few weeks of the calm before the storm - sitting on the sofa w the dogs." I try to give as little info as possible, as she loves to give mushy unsolicited advice.

I failed. Her response included barf-worthy statements like, "Do NOT feel guilty for watching TV with your pups. Trust me, you'll never have time once the baby arrives. You'll love being a Mom. I know I do. I can;t wait to have more babies! If money weren't an issue, I would be pregnant right now! Enjoy your sofa before you are overwhelmed with awesome Mommy-duties ( :"

Thoughts: My desire to bond w her over this shared experience doesn't exist. We have nothing in common. My disdain for her was cemented in a separate paragraph of the same email.

She recently started working part-time as a cashier at Walgreens. She filled me in on how that was going, "I'm still working in the evenings. I miss banking/finance! The pharmacy tech thing doesn't do it for me...it's mindless compared to what I used to do. Either way, it fits my schedule and brings in some extra money for my bitty! I also really like my boss. He is so sweet ( : "

Thoughts: She misses banking/finance? As in investment banking? Or what... bc I'm confused. She was a bank teller. There is NOTHING wrong w being a bank teller, but let's call it like it is, eh? F*cking finance. She used to avoid family get togethers on weekends by saying she had "important appointments with clients." Now, pharmacy tech actually requires difficult schooling- it's super complicated. It's NOT the same thing as a cashier (again, NOTHING wrong a being a cashier but again.... ringing up some teenager's birth control at the register is NOT the same thing as being a pharm tech.). I may have mentioned this before, but she's also been going around telling random family members that she's a Registered Nurse. I'm not even going to grace that comment w a cynical response.

Also, does anyone find the comment about her boss being "so sweet" followed up w a smiley face to be suspect? I hope he's a little old man, otherwise, it looks like Crazy SIL wants me to believe she's about to be boned by the Walgreens manager. Which begs the question... why would you even HINT to your husband's sister about it?

I apologize for my general negativity. I tend to vent on this blog, which probably just makes me look really bad. But oh well.

Christmas Shopping

Are you supposed to get someone something they need, will definitely use, & would've purchased themselves (but now they don't have to)- like pay someone's electric bill for the month? Or something they WANT & wouldn't spend the $$ on- like a designer wallet? OR something that made you think of them---like a brass figurine of a pig wearing sunglasses?

I've been very poor (bc I've been a student forever) & mostly prefer choice (a)- something I NEED- a gas card, pay phone bill, money for my social life (when I had one back in college), dog food, etc...

These days, I secretly feel like a lot of the time, it's about the price. Which is really annoying bc I end up grabbing an item & thinking, 'Ok. This is $50/100/etc..., so its acceptable. I don't care if they like it or hate it, so long as they can't call me cheap afterwards & I can cross them off my list.' This feels contrary to the Xmas spirit.

I LIKE to buy people random things that they don't need- like a large, wooden statue of an elephant. Or a ceramic picture frame made in Ethiopia. Or a venus fly trap. Or a huge iron, ornate cruicifix. (All gifts I've given). But people sometimes seemed confused upon opening them.

So more often than not, I buy gift cards.

I think I have the wrong attitude about gifts. But they totally stress me out. And I'd totally rather not receive and not give than have to fight the crowds & debate w J on what his mom truly wants. Or get someone s/t they hate. Or insult them in some way by not spending enough, etc...I just wish people made Xmas registries.

J wanted to go out & shop for his parents today. I convinced him to call & just ask them what they wanted. Both of them said, 'I don't know what I want. And I can't think of anything for your mom/dad.' So I showered & dressed & braved the pouring rain to drive w J to this little crafty store nearby. I knew things were looking down when J came over to me within the first 2 minutes & said, 'So what do you think?' He was barely even looking at the merchandise. I tried to send him a hint that he should actually LOOK & consider the items for sale by stating, "Not sure yet. I'm still looking." I grabbed an unobjectionable necklace off a shelf (I've seen the same one at Banana, but this one was made in Kenya) & said, "What about this? Think your mom would like it?" He barely looked at it and said without missing a beat, "I dunno." And then looked side to side and repeated, "So what do you think?" We left empty-handed & eventually decided on candles for her. I burn candles all the time, but I honestly don't believe she does.

But I also honestly don't care. Because now she's crossed off my list.

Quick Party Update

The party ended up actually kind of fun.

Drawback: The top of my dress was one of those faux wrap designs. Since my boobs are so huge these days, I had to pin the top closed. I realized mid-party that the pin was showing. But I'm at peace w this- after scouring the mall for dresses & finding nothing superior to the dress I already owned (literally 1st time in my life this happened)- my only alternative was revealing my huge knockers to the entire firm. Definitely not okay.

Benefit of being pregnant while at party: I try to stay/become tight w the partners' wives. As par for the course with regard to pregnancy, I found myself surrounded by 3 of them, listening to the grueling details of their birthing stories. I actually became so close w the one wife (she was super hot) that she was like, 'You don't really want to work, do you?' It was a tough situation- because I really do, but I didn't want to knock NOT working (she's a rich stay-at-home who summers at the beach, cruising in her Mercedes, etc...). I think I just changed the subject, so as not to tarnish our new relationship.

The Evening I've Been Dreading for Over 2 Weeks

Tonight is my firm's Xmas party. I've been dreading this from the moment I learned of it.

Yesterday I emailed a young female associate I befriended while working there to inquire about the dress code. She told me she was wearing a short, black cocktail dress with short sleeves. I was *praying* she'd say she was wearing whatever she wore to work today. Nope.

My only option is a 3/4 length sleeved, black, non-maternity dress w an empire waist (for belly room) I've been sporting sporadically throughout this pregnancy. I wonder how I'll feel about wearing it post-pregnancy. Post-pregnancy. Can you believe this is a reality in my future? The near future nonetheless!

I just returned from the mall in search of a new dress that I love. HA! I have remembered & must continue to remember to give myself a little breathing room- I'm 8.5 months pregs. Things could be worse. But as I squeezed into a polyester dress- I was battling dry skin, bad hair, pregnancy fat, and painful boobs- I ripped the dress off in self-disgust. My body is just so awkward and difficult to maneauver.

Cricket Doll Photo

This is a photographic illustration to accompany today's earlier post.

Featuring: Cricket- the best Christmas gift I ever received (in terms of excitement, surprise, hope, anticipation, & ultimately, delight). Circa Christmas, 1987.

This is also my effort at avoiding laundry & cleaning muddy floors. Mission accomplished.

Seriously, how underwhelming is this doll? And creepy. Can you believe that at one point in my life, I saw her sitting under my tree & screamed with delight?! Don't you feel sad that there are so few objects or events in life that can generate such joy for/from you these days? Perhaps this is why we should spend more on kids at Christmas. Their days are numbered.

I didn't intend for this post to be depressing!

Christmas Survey

I feel compelled to do some sort of Xmas Post, but I'm not really feeling the holiday yet. I hope this changes bc last year I vividly recall harboring a disproportionate amount of the holiday spirit.

1. Eggnog or hot chocolate? Hot chocolate. J likes eggnog.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Back in the day, Santa wrapped his presents. One huge present was always left unwrapped. The year I stopped believing in Santa was a direct result of "Santa" having wrapped my presents in my step-dad's company wrapping paper. How much is wrapping paper, like $4? Cheap bast*rd.

3. Colored lights on the tree/house or white? I prefer white. Growing up, I recall colored.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? Nope. I don't know if I've ever even seen mistletoe.

5. When do you put your Christmas decorations up? The day after Thanksgiving.

6. Favorite holiday dish? Chocoloate chip cookies.

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child? Getting together w my cousins, for sure. The anticipation gave me butterflies for weeks. Also, entering the living room & getting the first glimpse of the presents (I was spoiled re: Xmas presents. My parents were probably competing for our love. Santa came twice & always brought a ton.)

8. When did you learn the truth about Santa? See Question 2. To step-dad's credit, I was 8... maybe even 9 or 10. Way too old. My mom was that good.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Nope.

10. How do you decorate a tree? After someone else puts the lights and possibly some form of garland on the tree, I help hang ornaments.

11. Snow! Love it or dread it? Dread it.

12. Can you ice skate? Eh.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? In kindergarten Santa brought me a Cricket doll. Do you remember her? She had blonde hair & I think you could put cassette tapes in her back & she'd talk to you. I was so freaking psyched about this gift, I brought her in for show-and-tell like 3 wks straight. Last yr I tried to convince J to buy me a puppy, wrap it in a box (w holes in it) & give it to me on Xmas morning. He said he wanted me to be able to pick it out. So last Xmas he "gave" me Hannah- but I ended up actually getting her in February. So I suppose I received his permission for Hannah for Xmas. Which is totally budget. (To his credit, he got me awesome gifts as well).

14. What is the most important thing about the holidays to you? I suppose getting to see friends/family. I love Xmas parties of all types.

15. What is your favorite holiday dessert? Is pumpkin pie still available? Eeks.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? It used to be watching Christmas Vacation at my dad's on Xmas Eve. Now it's probably going to my gma's on Xmas Day. J's fam's tradition of getting wasted on Xmas Eve was beginning to compete w ALL my family's traditions, but I quickly realized it ends in Evil SIL screaming/crying, which sends everyone to bed well before 10. My 1st Xmas w them, J had me run upstairs to hide from the drama in the kitchen. I foolishly left my full wine glass on the kitchen counter. It was 8pm. And, to boot, his parents' house is always freezing and J's childhood bedroom doesn't have a comforter- just a QUILT. So I was sober & cold. Knowing a good portion of my family was up laughing their a$$es off to Chevy Chase in the neighboring state made me miss them terribly.

17. What tops your tree? A star.

18. Which do you prefer-Giving or Receiving? Nothing feels better than giving after having found the perfect gift. But finding this perfect gift is so hard.

19. Favorite Christmas song? O Holy Night

20. Candy Canes-Yuck or Yum? Yuck.

21. Favorite Christmas movie? Home Alone II.

22. Saddest Christmas song? Christmas Canon

Alright, speaking of golden retriever- the gift that keeps on giving- I need to take her for a walk. She's driving both me and the beagle completely nuts.

Random

1. We woke up to a flooded backyard & pouring rain today, so J took great pains to walk the dogs out front. Once he left, I let them run free through the puddles. I had to lure them back in with pieces of ham.

2. I finally found curtains I'm satisfied with for the baby's room. I'm resisting the urge to paint stripes down one wall.

3. Yesterday I went shopping w my mom. I bought a winter coat that is large enough to accomodate my growing belly. I hate to spend money on a coat I'll only be wearing for such a short time period.

4. I also bought some cute outfits on sale from BabyGap.

5. Today I realized that if I were still in law school, I'd be in the midst of finals. Instead, I'm in the midst of 2 doggies on the couch.

Ungrateful Biotch

That would be me.

Instead of being simply happy that I'm blessed with child- I'm feeling super nauseous, fat, and out of breath today. I think I'm coming down with something. The last time I felt nauseous, the nurse asked if I had a cold & said that s/t if you swallow your own mucous it can upset the ole' stomach. I do have a slightly runny nose, so I'm thinking that's it. Along with constipation (for the sake of full disclosure).

Due to our 1st snowstorm & my phobia of driving on ice, I missed out on N's (old college roommate) party. This made me sad, but she was cool about it. She's never been an a$$hole & that hasn't changed. I hate when you miss a party or an engagement & the host acts like it just wasn't a party without you there- despite the presence of a ton of other people.

To add to my list of things that I'll do when I'm not pregnant- EXERCISE. I cannot wait. I'm aware that WALKING is still an option, but I'm not talking walking (although walking does wear me down these days so I shouldn't knock it). I want to run. Forever. On or off a treadmill- no matter- but for at least an hour. Then I want to shower, put on my OLD jeans & go out for sushi and wine. Then I want to wake up & have a Red Bull & do it all over again.

I kind of feel like I did when I was on week 2 of our Italian honeymoon. I obviously wanted to remain on vaca, but longed to temporarily Americanize the hotel & take the afternoon of site-seeing & eating/drinking off. I wanted a hotel gym to materialize, along with my exercise clothes/ipod & for J to be entertained for a few hrs- so that I could go for a super long run, get a good shower & then get ready to go back on the town in Italy with GOOD electricity (blow dryers, irons, & curling irons barely get hot in Italy). But beforehand, I'd nab an American coffee. Oh, and for dinner, I wanted something other than pasta. J was hurt when I voiced my desires (he interpreted it to mean I wasn't having a great time, which is 100% untrue). I suppose I'm just shamelessly American.

BUT being pregnant doesn't feel very American (especially w all these puritans judging me for indulging in my 1 cup of coffee a day... although I suppose Americans are known for being prudish)- my choices/options are just so limited. Ironically, isn't it in Europe where pregnancy rules are super laxed? Maybe I should be wishing I was back in Italy about now.

Keeping Busy

I've accidentally & uncharacteristically been keeping rather busy since early yesterday. I photographed the nursery for blog-posting purposes, only to realize that I secretly hated it. It just wasn't coming together. So I've been painting & rearranging. I forgot how therapeutic being artistic can be.

I've also been suffering from some serious chronic heartburn. I never experienced heartburn- not once- before becoming pregs. I suppose I should just be grateful my ankles & feet haven't turned to balloons, but I wouldn't want to spare you any pregnancy details. The weirdest thing is when I'm hungry while simultaneously experiencing heartburn. Heartburn makes eating unpleasant, but, dude, I'm starving.

I looked up causes: caffeine, large meals, chocolate, fried & fatty foods, tomatoes, alcohol, tobacco, citrus fruits, wearing tight clothes, eating before bed.

Let's see... haven't had chocolate or a particularly large meal, nor have I indulged in fried or fatty food or tomatoes. I'm alcohol/tobacco free & haven't had an orange in like a week. I wouldn't classify my sweatpants/wife beater as "tight" &, due to last night's heartburn, I didn't eat before bed. I did have coffee- but only an hour ago (Thus far- the highlight). For bfast I had cheerios & a banana, grapes before lunch, & a veggie burger & banana for lunch. All this was consumed w the intentions of preventing today's heartburn. No dice.

Oh, and shaving the ole' nether regions- it's become a leap of faith. I throw a leg up on the toilet & attempt to remember what exactly is happening down there. Unbeknownst to J, I've been using HIS razor because its always super sharp & efficient (Aren't you glad you're not married to me? Sigh.. the cross he bears). I'm definitely leaning towards getting a wax a week before I'm due.

Pictures

Here I am in all my glory, 1 day shy of 33 wks- unshowered & wearing this time a GRAY wife beater & blue sweatpants. No stretch marks yet, but I'm anticipating their arrival any day now. I've read that some women get them DAYS before delivery. Do you know how pissed off I'd be if I made it to like 40 wks, 1 day - only for stretch marks to suddenly appear?? While it's ultimately worth it, I would cry anyway.


Anyway, Baby's Shoe Collection:

I've received a number of cool shoes.





Little pink sneakers- I have no clue who got these for me, but I dig them. Even though they're pink.




I love the shoes above. These are from Good SIL. I love the satin ribbon laces. I will see to it that she gets some wear out of these- even if it means dressing her up for an afternoon feeding.

J strongly vetoed these furry boots I bought at Old Navy for $12. His exact words were "Return them." I thought I was going to return them, but when I got to the store, I just couldn't do it. I love them.

These pink pleather loafers are also from Good SIL. They couldn't be more pink, but they're so ugly that they've grown on me.

These black mary janes are from the friend I made out with in that video that's still sitting upstairs at my brother's house. They were the first pair of baby shoes I received & they're definitely my favorite.

These argyle shoes are from a good high school friend. These are J's faves.

On that note, I'm going to shower. I feel really scummy right now.

Fall Decor & Mild Training Success

Updated Xmas Decor Pics:

Below is a photo of the banister decor- holly branches intertwined w white lights. Not particularly exciting............. at least to us.

Hannah, however, feels otherwise. She has taken to eating these plastic-coated styrofoam berries in her downtime. Much of the holly berry garland has become - sticks.

Below are our stockings. Aren't they awesome?

And this is our Xmas tree- mostly completed. Still needs more ornaments.

I forgot to post a picture of the extent of this year's fall decor: Orange lights strung around a banner. I looked for a garland of fall leaves, but the only ones I could find looked super cheap. I also have a fall-scented candle in the kitchen.

Initially I determined that our dog training course resulted in nothing more than hairy bologna fingers & a confused golden. But this morning, when I practiced our commands, Hannah seemed to have retained quite a bit. During class, though, she was rolling on the ground, tugging in every direction, jumping on instructors, etc... J & I held back tears of laughter as our dog perfectly demonstrated WHY we decided to pay for training classes.

The beagle was happy to greet us upon our arrival home & probably did a great deal of this while waiting.


Lastly, some fam is coming in today to see the baby's room & take me out to lunch. I never directly asked whether step-dad was planning on gracing us w his presence, so today I asked my mom ostensibly for lunch reservations purposes, "How many total will there be?" She responded, "The 4 of us- me, [step-dad], Aunt _, Uncle _." Ugh. Yesterday I resolved to be less negative about the situation (& all situations involving family I dislike, in-laws included), but I'm failing. I didn't even make it 24 hours.

I just heard a loud thud from the neighbor's house & the woman scream her 2 yr old's name. Loud crying ensued. I suppose someone is having a worse day than me (& my day hasn't even been remotely bad, for the record). With this mindset, I will attempt to ward off negative thoughts.