Feb 26 has come & gone. I forgot to give details.
Well, due to snow, my 6 wk postpartum appt was rescheduled for March 2. But we did the deed anyway. And, to be honest, it was kind of painful. Since I no longer have a huge pregnant belly, I foolishly assumed that we'd resume right from where we picked up last April (when Monkey was but a twinkle in our eyes). But, alas, it appears it's going to take a bit more time til we're at that point again.
Despite the doctor's lack of express clearance, as it's been 6 wks, I began my work-out regime with full force. I forgot how f*cking miserable working out is. Particularly when you're just getting started. The amount of self-discipline it takes to even look at the treadmill is remarkable. I also feel like it's easier to motivate to work out when you LIKE your body. To motivate, I tried to put on a pair of my work pants that don't fit like they used to (they button, but I have a muffin top). Rather than motivate me, this made me feel super depressed. I exercised anyway, but with an overwhelming feeling of "What's the point?" Lesson: Working out with a negative attitude is 1000x harder than working out with a positive one. It's getting easier as the days progress. And I'm already seeing results in my abs, but I'm not trying on any more pants for 2 wks. Maid of honor advised me to avoid carbs. This worked for 2 hours... until I reached for a hand full of pretzels, laughing to myself at my failure. I suppose no-carb or low-carb diets aren't for me. Oh well.
Alright, well Monkey is sleeping, so I'm going to take this opportunity to work out before I start overthinking it & it never happens.
And HAPPY LAST DAY OF FEBRUARY!!!!! We made it. How much does February suck????
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
Creepy Employer
I've learned that many babies aren't into cuddling. That would be the opposite of Monkey. Last night at 9:25pm she turned 6 wks old. As I type she's passed out cold on my chest- on her belly, face buried into my chest, one arm laying above her head & the other tucked into my armpit. I like this position bc I can easily smell & kiss the top of her head. Or wrap my arms around her warm little body. Even when she's stinky & smells like formula, I think she smells wonderful. I tried to put her down for a proper nap like 5 times today so I could do laundry or go running, but each time she wakes up in 5 minutes. She only wants to nap on me. I surrender. I now understand why mothers are the least reliable witnesses for a defendant in a criminal trial.
So that lawyer in NYC. He was a solo practitioner but shared an office & occasionally work with a small law firm. He was about 45, Jewish, and newly married. He also had Parkinson's. He wasn't a mean-spirited person or anything, it's just that there were a few things he said/did that in retrospect were inappropriate.
Example: He often called cars for me (as opposed to making me hail my own cab). I worked late one night & we were waiting for our respective cars in the building's glass vestibule. My car pulled up and he said, 'Eh... what the hey! Let's just make one stop tonight!' This statement confused me, so I said, 'What?' And he nervously laughed and said, 'Haha, just kidding. Maybe if I was younger.'
I still don't really "get" it. I mean.. did he want to hang out w my roommates and I, assuming we'd be partying? Or was he, like, trying to bang? Umm.... I don't get it. I always hoped the former.
Example: For the summer I was living with Derek & T (female). He constantly made statements about how lucky of a guy Derek was. This always bothered me bc Derek never hooked up w either of us girls... and he didn't want to (well, except on my last night in NYC when he asked if we could please have s*x now that I was leaving NY- I said no. I was never really attracted to him & I'm almost positive that he's selfish in bed... in which case... what's in it for me?). Anyway, he made this comment to his law clerk w a sort of creepy pervert laugh at least 3x a week.
Example: One time I was walking by him in a tight space and the back of his hand brushed against my a$$ & he, like, didn't quickly move his hand.... or move his hand at all. That was weird.
See what I mean? Like, he wasn't creepy enough for me to realize at the time that he was being creepy. But in retrospect, I see that I was a young college girl & his hand shouldn't have been anywhere near my a$$... in real life, there ain't no accidental a$$ grabbing... particularly without a quick withdrawal of the hand & a sheepish and sincere apology.
But, alas, no harm no foul I suppose. I just feel bad for his wife. I did at the time too- he would always take his time getting to work in the morning, be very unproductive all day long and then decide to "get some work done" at like 600pm-- at which time he'd beg me to stay late to work with him since I "helped him focus." His poor wife would call from home at around 6:30, wondering when he would be home. She ate dinner alone like every night.
For their first anniversary he bought her an expensive watch. On his computer I saw the note he printed out to go with the watch. It said something along the lines of "this watch represents the timelessness of my love for you." Shizzle... lose the watch and eat dinner w the gal, ya know?
But he didn't cheat or anything with other women. I had full access to his emails, cell phone, etc.. His ex-gf contacted him once. She was an NYU grad student and a painter. She emailed him a picture she had painted of his naked back. He showed it to me, but acted like it wasn't his back, but I knew the truth. He never responded to her email. Her name was Jen.
Since I left NYC, his wife gave birth to a son.
So that lawyer in NYC. He was a solo practitioner but shared an office & occasionally work with a small law firm. He was about 45, Jewish, and newly married. He also had Parkinson's. He wasn't a mean-spirited person or anything, it's just that there were a few things he said/did that in retrospect were inappropriate.
Example: He often called cars for me (as opposed to making me hail my own cab). I worked late one night & we were waiting for our respective cars in the building's glass vestibule. My car pulled up and he said, 'Eh... what the hey! Let's just make one stop tonight!' This statement confused me, so I said, 'What?' And he nervously laughed and said, 'Haha, just kidding. Maybe if I was younger.'
I still don't really "get" it. I mean.. did he want to hang out w my roommates and I, assuming we'd be partying? Or was he, like, trying to bang? Umm.... I don't get it. I always hoped the former.
Example: For the summer I was living with Derek & T (female). He constantly made statements about how lucky of a guy Derek was. This always bothered me bc Derek never hooked up w either of us girls... and he didn't want to (well, except on my last night in NYC when he asked if we could please have s*x now that I was leaving NY- I said no. I was never really attracted to him & I'm almost positive that he's selfish in bed... in which case... what's in it for me?). Anyway, he made this comment to his law clerk w a sort of creepy pervert laugh at least 3x a week.
Example: One time I was walking by him in a tight space and the back of his hand brushed against my a$$ & he, like, didn't quickly move his hand.... or move his hand at all. That was weird.
See what I mean? Like, he wasn't creepy enough for me to realize at the time that he was being creepy. But in retrospect, I see that I was a young college girl & his hand shouldn't have been anywhere near my a$$... in real life, there ain't no accidental a$$ grabbing... particularly without a quick withdrawal of the hand & a sheepish and sincere apology.
But, alas, no harm no foul I suppose. I just feel bad for his wife. I did at the time too- he would always take his time getting to work in the morning, be very unproductive all day long and then decide to "get some work done" at like 600pm-- at which time he'd beg me to stay late to work with him since I "helped him focus." His poor wife would call from home at around 6:30, wondering when he would be home. She ate dinner alone like every night.
For their first anniversary he bought her an expensive watch. On his computer I saw the note he printed out to go with the watch. It said something along the lines of "this watch represents the timelessness of my love for you." Shizzle... lose the watch and eat dinner w the gal, ya know?
But he didn't cheat or anything with other women. I had full access to his emails, cell phone, etc.. His ex-gf contacted him once. She was an NYU grad student and a painter. She emailed him a picture she had painted of his naked back. He showed it to me, but acted like it wasn't his back, but I knew the truth. He never responded to her email. Her name was Jen.
Since I left NYC, his wife gave birth to a son.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
NYC... again
My mom drove down yesterday to babysit Monkey while I ran some errands. I was able to hit up Target & the post office... just in time for yet another snow storm. DUDE. When she left I was overcome with sadness.
The photo above was taken in I believe early 2004. I lived in this E. Village apt during my last 2 semesters in college in NYC. I'm sure my friend (who doesn't know this blog exists) would love to know her face is posted online. Actually.. she probably would. She was a theater major. Anyway, I always loved her dark hair.
This was a 2 bedroom apt. I shared a bed w my friend, T (not pictured... if you recall, she's the one who hit a bowl in her bra through airport security on the way home from our roadtrip to St. Louis: http://negativemaiden.blogspot.com/2009/07/st-louis.html). It was DEFINITELY a huge party place & that got old for me really quick. One night I woke up & she was propped up on one arm, staring and me, & lovingly stroking my cheek. The next morning she had no recollection of this incident.
The summer was fun, though. I was an assistant at a law firm & I would work late a bunch. In retrospect, this lawyer was kind of a creep but I needed a job. My rent was like a billion dollars. When I'd come home at like 10pm, my apt would already be filled w all our friends. I got a standing ovation when I walked in- bc everyone was already trashed. Derek (our token male roommate from Minnesota) would have shots lined up, ready for me to take. We always went to this bar that I hated in the Lower East Side. It was jam packed with alternative types and there was graffiti all over the walls. Derek would bring his graffiti markers & "tag" buildings & stuff on our walk to the bar.
I remember I loved taking the subway in the summer.
I'll write more about the creepy lawyer I worked for in a bit.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Ghost Story
Last night I received, as a gift from my offspring, 5 consecutive hours of sleep! Monkey woke up, drank her bottle & passed back out for another 3 hours. And then another 2. So, I'm well rested & since she's still asleep- I figured I'd try to blog. Hmm...I like trying to write about things I'd surely forget if not for my desire to recount them online....
Oh! Ok.
So my extended family owned a beach house in a neighboring state & we vacationed there multiple times a summer. It was a cape cod style. When you'd walk up the living room stairs, the door would open to like a giant room with 6 beds (the door opened in the middle- there were 3 beds on 1 side, 3 on the other). It was more attractive than this sounds. There were bedrooms downstairs as well. My brothers and I (7, 9, & 12, respectively) slept upstairs. My entire family was at the house.
Older Brother ("B") & I were laying in our beds upstairs when all the sudden he said to me, "M. Look at the door knob [to the door that goes downstairs]." The ceiling had skylights, so it wasn't pitch dark or anything. I looked over at the door & thought I saw the door knob slowely moving back and forth- steadily, not erratically. He said, "Do you see that?" I told him I did, but I didn't believe my eyes so I got up for a closer look. I was about 1 foot away from the door & completely shocked that it was still moving side to side, as if someone was slowely turning it. B joined me. We just stood there watching it.
B said to me, "Open it. I bet it's Uncle J." My family isn't big on practical jokes (this side of the family is downright boring), but...this could be the only explanation. So, in the midst of this doorknob twisting, I opened the door and, dude, nobody was there. These were creeky, wooden steps-so even if someone would have the ability to fly like lightning down them, it would've been LOUD. I immediately went downstairs to assess the situation. My mom, step-dad, & aunt were watching TV quietly in the dark. Everyone else had gone to bed. I asked my mom if anyone had just been upstairs- she told me to go back to bed (somewhat angrily... I guess bc I was young & she assumed B & I were up to no good).
So there's my story. I actually just got off the phone w B to confirm that he still remembered the twisting doorknob. He does. We went over the facts again. We deduced that it would make no sense for a relative to twist the knob bc the adults would've assumed we were sleeping- and the twisting doorknob was silent. It wouldn't have woken us up. B can't believe he actually even noticed something as subtle as a moving doorknob across the room.
Oh! Ok.
So my extended family owned a beach house in a neighboring state & we vacationed there multiple times a summer. It was a cape cod style. When you'd walk up the living room stairs, the door would open to like a giant room with 6 beds (the door opened in the middle- there were 3 beds on 1 side, 3 on the other). It was more attractive than this sounds. There were bedrooms downstairs as well. My brothers and I (7, 9, & 12, respectively) slept upstairs. My entire family was at the house.
Older Brother ("B") & I were laying in our beds upstairs when all the sudden he said to me, "M. Look at the door knob [to the door that goes downstairs]." The ceiling had skylights, so it wasn't pitch dark or anything. I looked over at the door & thought I saw the door knob slowely moving back and forth- steadily, not erratically. He said, "Do you see that?" I told him I did, but I didn't believe my eyes so I got up for a closer look. I was about 1 foot away from the door & completely shocked that it was still moving side to side, as if someone was slowely turning it. B joined me. We just stood there watching it.
B said to me, "Open it. I bet it's Uncle J." My family isn't big on practical jokes (this side of the family is downright boring), but...this could be the only explanation. So, in the midst of this doorknob twisting, I opened the door and, dude, nobody was there. These were creeky, wooden steps-so even if someone would have the ability to fly like lightning down them, it would've been LOUD. I immediately went downstairs to assess the situation. My mom, step-dad, & aunt were watching TV quietly in the dark. Everyone else had gone to bed. I asked my mom if anyone had just been upstairs- she told me to go back to bed (somewhat angrily... I guess bc I was young & she assumed B & I were up to no good).
So there's my story. I actually just got off the phone w B to confirm that he still remembered the twisting doorknob. He does. We went over the facts again. We deduced that it would make no sense for a relative to twist the knob bc the adults would've assumed we were sleeping- and the twisting doorknob was silent. It wouldn't have woken us up. B can't believe he actually even noticed something as subtle as a moving doorknob across the room.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Remember MIL?
Well, I have to admit that since I birthed her granddaugther (daughter... is that how you spell it? Isn't that a weird word? All of the sudden it looks really foreign to me. And its spelled pretty crazy too... I feel like it should be spelled "dotter." Isn't it weird when that happens?) Anyway, since I fulfilled my New Year's resolution, my relations with my MIL have overall improved. I've tried to implement advice I've been given (smile & nod, agree, don't take it so personally & try to let it roll of your back, let her think she knows it all)- and it's been working- not without a few minor setbacks, though.
Breast report: Back to old size. Sometimes in the shower I see that they're leaking a bit. Oddly, this doesn't freak me out at all. They look like they did pre-preg, but perhaps a little less perky. I'm not sure, though, since it's been 10 mos. since I've seen my pre-preg boobs. And 2 wks ago I was sporting the perkiest DDs I've ever seen!
I've been wondering lately- if I don't do a lot around the house by day & I haven't been watching ALL that much TV.... where does the time go? I've developed a respect & admiration for the stay-at-home-mom. Because I am meeting needs (and not my own) & the needs are never ending. And- again- I have an EASY baby. It's nice to be in a place in life where there's nothing else I'd rather be doing- bc I can see how you'd be totally miserable otherwise. And if I were like, 19, & all my friends were out on bake rides, partying, and I hadn't gotten it out of my system, etc... I'd be MISERABLE. But, luckily, I'm old & boring & perfectly content caring for my grumpy little chicken nugget.
But, seriously, it's impossible to get anything done. Like sorting mail? Not gonna happen. Occasionally, I'll run the dishwasher. 99% of the emails I've written since Jan 14 have been typed with one hand. The idea of reading a book that isn't very short chapters or succinctly presenting me with "need to know" information (a la a parenting book) is laughable. Movies have even been challenging since my mind is constantly tuned in to what the baby is doing/needs. At any given moment- she's hungry, must be changed, bathed (THIS takes forever), burped, burped again, fed again, naps on my chest (immobilizing me.. bc if she doesn't get a good nap, she's a grump later), fed again, burped again, changed again, naps on chest for 10 minutes, wakes up, wants to eat more, cries a little- is she hungry still? need to be changed? bored? I also need to ensure she gets "tummy time" by day & I also constantly have to moisturize and lightly brush her little scalp to prevent cradle cap. I hear this all gets easier. And I'd like to add that I'm not complaining- just relaying my experience. I love her so much and I cherish the days I get to spend with her before I have to start working.
A fascinating event: Sunday morning- baby went to Target. The sweet smell of commerce. Now that I don't have a stomach the size of a beach ball, I'm stoked to buy inexpensive clothing with wreckless abandon. But I must remember that my day to day will soon involve me wearing suits in Corporate America... not running around school in my ripped jeans, t-shirts, hoodies & flip-flops- like it has since 2006.
Breast report: Back to old size. Sometimes in the shower I see that they're leaking a bit. Oddly, this doesn't freak me out at all. They look like they did pre-preg, but perhaps a little less perky. I'm not sure, though, since it's been 10 mos. since I've seen my pre-preg boobs. And 2 wks ago I was sporting the perkiest DDs I've ever seen!
I've been wondering lately- if I don't do a lot around the house by day & I haven't been watching ALL that much TV.... where does the time go? I've developed a respect & admiration for the stay-at-home-mom. Because I am meeting needs (and not my own) & the needs are never ending. And- again- I have an EASY baby. It's nice to be in a place in life where there's nothing else I'd rather be doing- bc I can see how you'd be totally miserable otherwise. And if I were like, 19, & all my friends were out on bake rides, partying, and I hadn't gotten it out of my system, etc... I'd be MISERABLE. But, luckily, I'm old & boring & perfectly content caring for my grumpy little chicken nugget.
But, seriously, it's impossible to get anything done. Like sorting mail? Not gonna happen. Occasionally, I'll run the dishwasher. 99% of the emails I've written since Jan 14 have been typed with one hand. The idea of reading a book that isn't very short chapters or succinctly presenting me with "need to know" information (a la a parenting book) is laughable. Movies have even been challenging since my mind is constantly tuned in to what the baby is doing/needs. At any given moment- she's hungry, must be changed, bathed (THIS takes forever), burped, burped again, fed again, naps on my chest (immobilizing me.. bc if she doesn't get a good nap, she's a grump later), fed again, burped again, changed again, naps on chest for 10 minutes, wakes up, wants to eat more, cries a little- is she hungry still? need to be changed? bored? I also need to ensure she gets "tummy time" by day & I also constantly have to moisturize and lightly brush her little scalp to prevent cradle cap. I hear this all gets easier. And I'd like to add that I'm not complaining- just relaying my experience. I love her so much and I cherish the days I get to spend with her before I have to start working.
A fascinating event: Sunday morning- baby went to Target. The sweet smell of commerce. Now that I don't have a stomach the size of a beach ball, I'm stoked to buy inexpensive clothing with wreckless abandon. But I must remember that my day to day will soon involve me wearing suits in Corporate America... not running around school in my ripped jeans, t-shirts, hoodies & flip-flops- like it has since 2006.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Half a Baby Pic
There is my baby's nose & mouth. See the little light in her nose that reflects off of her nose mucus? I find that cute. It's love. Bc I probably wouldn't find it cute on just any old babe.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Editing, etc...
I just re-read my V-day blog entry & realized I confused "your" & "you're." My only defense is I have a 1 month old baby- it was a rushed post. But there really is no defense. And I'm not even gonna fix it.
Anyway, I spent the day w Jesus & her son (the one who had colic). His colic seems to have subsided. I realize just how lucky I am to have my baby. She is SO. FREAKING. GOOD. Thank you, God. (Disclaimer: I'm not specifically thanking God that I do not have a child like Jesus's child- just generally for my own good-natured baby. If I have another child, it'll probably be a hell raiser).
Now I'm sitting in between 2 dogs enjoying the moment. There are so few like this in a day (even with a good baby). Last night, J took the baby up for a bath. I told him I'd be up in 5 minutes. During that 5 minute period, I stood in the kitchen eating pretzels & staring into space. It was so peaceful. So peaceful, in fact, that I'm reminiscing on it almost 24 hrs later.
I'd also like to shout out to Johnny Weir. I love him. Love.
Anyway, I spent the day w Jesus & her son (the one who had colic). His colic seems to have subsided. I realize just how lucky I am to have my baby. She is SO. FREAKING. GOOD. Thank you, God. (Disclaimer: I'm not specifically thanking God that I do not have a child like Jesus's child- just generally for my own good-natured baby. If I have another child, it'll probably be a hell raiser).
Now I'm sitting in between 2 dogs enjoying the moment. There are so few like this in a day (even with a good baby). Last night, J took the baby up for a bath. I told him I'd be up in 5 minutes. During that 5 minute period, I stood in the kitchen eating pretzels & staring into space. It was so peaceful. So peaceful, in fact, that I'm reminiscing on it almost 24 hrs later.
I'd also like to shout out to Johnny Weir. I love him. Love.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
My Biopsy Results
This may come as a surprise to you- but it appears as though I am not dying of melanoma. At least not right now & at least not from the freckle I had removed. I feel like I dodged a bullet. I've clocked some serious hours at the tanning bed in my day. I was POSITIVE it was cancer. The amount of energy I spent worrying about those test results is sick. I cried to my mom & J about it. What a f*cking lunatic, right? Hopefully I will look back similarly on the amount of time I currently spend worrying about SIDS.
That said, I had J remove my stitches! Well, 1 out of the 2. During the attempted removal of the 2nd, I got light-headed & nauseous so I made him stop. We were snowed in during my dr. appt. The 2nd stitch is still in my body.
In other news, the baby threw up down my cleavage. She drank a lot of formula (whilst leaning up against my still-leaking boobs... although they're shrinking. I'll keep you posted on how different they look from pre-pregs). I burped her & TONS of chunky vomit flew into my shirt & puddled in my bra. She was fast asleep. I wiped her mouth, put her in her carrier & lugged her to the bathroom so I could shower- to keep an eye on her to make sure she was ok. I hopped in w my clothes on (it was that messy). She's still sleeping- my little vomiting angel. I sometimes feel guilty scooping expensive formula into a bottle with the knowledge that free food ("the perfect nutrition") is building up in my chest. Breast-feeding is cheap.
I also wanted to comment on the snow. I'm over it. But the thought of spring doesn't make me all that happy bc that's when the baby starts daycare. :(
That said, I had J remove my stitches! Well, 1 out of the 2. During the attempted removal of the 2nd, I got light-headed & nauseous so I made him stop. We were snowed in during my dr. appt. The 2nd stitch is still in my body.
In other news, the baby threw up down my cleavage. She drank a lot of formula (whilst leaning up against my still-leaking boobs... although they're shrinking. I'll keep you posted on how different they look from pre-pregs). I burped her & TONS of chunky vomit flew into my shirt & puddled in my bra. She was fast asleep. I wiped her mouth, put her in her carrier & lugged her to the bathroom so I could shower- to keep an eye on her to make sure she was ok. I hopped in w my clothes on (it was that messy). She's still sleeping- my little vomiting angel. I sometimes feel guilty scooping expensive formula into a bottle with the knowledge that free food ("the perfect nutrition") is building up in my chest. Breast-feeding is cheap.
I also wanted to comment on the snow. I'm over it. But the thought of spring doesn't make me all that happy bc that's when the baby starts daycare. :(
Monday, February 15, 2010
2 Short Answers to Unasked Questions
Question 1: What would you like to ask God right now, M?
Answer: God, why is my baby regularly sleeping 4 hours straight during the day, but only 2-3 hours straight at night?
Question 2: If you could go to the store right now, what would you buy?
Answer: I would buy
Answer: God, why is my baby regularly sleeping 4 hours straight during the day, but only 2-3 hours straight at night?
Question 2: If you could go to the store right now, what would you buy?
Answer: I would buy
- stamps to send out the rest of the birth announcements,
- bottled water,
- sexy underwear in preparation for Feb 26,
- grapes
- blank CDs
- a small iPod doc
- a few birthday cards
- more bottles
- August Burroughs' latest book (I think it involves Christmas stories)
- socks for J (& for me to steal)
- dog treats
But, my friends, the store is but a pipe dream. Our roads are still wretched from the blizzards &, truth be told, I still don't like the idea of the baby going anywhere... particularly with me behind the wheel. My nickname wasn't Cruella Deville for no reason. I'm a terrible driver. When people give me the finger, I don't even defend myself. I always deserve it.
And since the baby is still asleep beside me, I'm deciding to blog instead of shower. I may regret this later & this may be my only opportunity to shower. I could also do laundry, but... it's President's Day. I don't want to overdo it.
Valentine's Day-
I asked J if he hates V-day (bc I do). He said he does hate it. Good. Our 2nd Valentine's Day together, we were both in law school & there was a blizzard. But we decided we *really* wanted to go out to dinner anyway. We tried this new trendy restaurant in the downtown area of the city we used to live in. We didn't realize how bad the roads were until we were all dressed up and ready to go. Long story short: the restaurant was too trendy, cold & modern for our liking, the entire time we were panicked about how (and if) we were going to get home &, therefore, we drank less- which is always less fun.
Now we've definitely had some awesome V-day dinners since then. Last year, though, J wanted to try this popular BYO & couldn't get a reservation til like 10pm. I was STARVING & thus became inappropriately drunk too soon in the night. Hey- he had it coming!
Last night we made reservations for 5 (read: 2 adults, 1 baby, 2 hounds) in our kitchen. He ended up having to work from home, though, so he ended up eating at the computer & I ended up eating right behind him while trying to prevent a certain golden retriever from licking our daughter's face (I failed. Don't tell J). Romantic? Only as romantic as me telling J, 'You're present didn't come in the mail yet. Sorry. It's an antique gun powder tin.' I had ordered it online that morning.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Jeans
I dared to venture out of my sweatpants & tried on my jeans. They fit everywhere, but were a tad snug in the abominal area (I also developed love handles). Similarly, my shirts fit everywhere, but are extraordinarily snug in the chest area. I'm also still wearing pads (yummy), so when I pull up my jeans I feel a *smush.* Ahh.. so f*cking nauseating. Oh, and when baby cries, if I'm not wearing absorbant pads in my bra- 2 huge wet spots magically appear on my chest.
My new "look forward to date"- February 26. Not only will my bambina be 6 weeks old- but mama will be able to stick objects up her who-ha again! It's the little things in life, folks.
So I decided to stop breastfeeding, guilt-free. I know they say it burns a crap ton of calories but.. frankly....so does the treadmill. And when I was on the treadmill, I fit into my skinny jeans. I realize that pumping at work isn't gonna happen for me- it's a new job & I just don't feel comfortable. I would freeze my milk but I just don't produce enough!
My new "look forward to date"- February 26. Not only will my bambina be 6 weeks old- but mama will be able to stick objects up her who-ha again! It's the little things in life, folks.
So I decided to stop breastfeeding, guilt-free. I know they say it burns a crap ton of calories but.. frankly....so does the treadmill. And when I was on the treadmill, I fit into my skinny jeans. I realize that pumping at work isn't gonna happen for me- it's a new job & I just don't feel comfortable. I would freeze my milk but I just don't produce enough!
Friday, February 12, 2010
baby feet
Baby Update: How adorable are these feet? I never thought I'd develop outfit preferences beyond aesthetics, but- alas, I have. I prefer snaps over zippers. I like Gap's organic cotton first, Carters 2nd, and, lastly, Gerber (too stiff). I also like arms that cover the baby's hands (she scratches her own face when she's mad or sleeping). Also, its winter... so... its cold. But J & I love the feet on this number. I think its a boy outfit, but whatevs. She's so little that she still doesn't fit into 0-3 months. But the newborn sized outfits are slowely getting too small for her.
Her smiles melt my heart.
I'm super pissed, though. I sent out her baby announcements- took me FOREVER to find ones I liked. I ended up using Tiny Prints- more expensive, but exactly what I wanted. While my mom was watching the baby, I hit up the post office & sent them out. Half of them were returned to me for insufficient postage (they are square shaped, so I guess they're 61 cents to mail). The other half? Unsure. I know at least some reached their destinations, but the rest... I feel like a jerk calling people and asking if they received them. I only put my return address on like 2 of them (I guess the post office worker noticed the return addy on those 2, rubber banded 25 of them together & sent them back to my house... but there were more than 25... so...). Ugh. J felt bad for me & ordered more. This happened to me with our wedding invitations too. So I'm an idiot for not having learned my lesson.
It was upon my return from the post office that the baby had her first smile - at me! My mom was holding her & I ran over to say hi & give her a kiss. She saw me and broke out into the biggest smile I've ever seen. I was so proud!!! She looked like a little old man (an adorable little old man) with her big toothless grin. I love that little monkey.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Increase in Activity
And not MY activity- but the baby's. And by "activity," I mean eating.
This means me & my ta-tas have been super occupied. And, as the baby is turning 4 weeks old tomorrow & I only have 6 more wks until I start the old job.... I'm looking for a good time to stop breastfeeding. I brought this up with J last night & it didn't go over as well as I though it would.
The catalyst for this discussion was my breast pump has pieces that are like impossible to dry after washing-- so inevitably a bit of mold ends up growing in this particular piece & you have to buy a new part. The new part is like $4. But the problem ain't money- it's GETTING to the freaking store!! Not only is traveling a huge deal w a newborn who isn't allowed in public yet, but the back-to-back blizzards don't make for particularly easy travel. So I felt defeated. And I tired of everyone preaching to me the benefits of breastfeeding. And, good Lord, I HAVE been breastfeeding. So I was stressed. And feeling guilty about wanting to discontinue. So I brought it up w J.
J was under the impression that the breastfeeding thing was going swimmingly. He thought it was great! He's normally extraordinarily sensitive to the plights I endure as a female, so it caught me off guard that he didn't know how I felt about my sore & leaking boobs and how the baby gets super cranky when she's fed exclusively via boob (as opposed to pumping and then bottle feeding). He also doesn't know how none of my shirts fit because I'm like a double D as opposed to a B cup. And considering all the benefits-- basically, he wants me to continue...like, forever. My tired, weary heart broke. And then I said mean words, which I feel bad about now.. And then he got defensive (rightfully so).
But what I found interesting was the fact that I needed his support in quitting. Normally, I do what I want. But for some reason I feel so freaking guilty about only breastfeeding til like 6 wks or so- that I need him to back me up. This morning the first thing he said was that I can quit whenever I want & that he understands (after we discussed how I felt).
But my boobs were super sore & full & we're in the midst of a blizzard & I have nothing better to do but breastfeed........so I figured......what the hell. I'll quit in a few weeks when work is on the horizon. I realized I don't dislike breastfeeding as much as I dislike the idea of being forced to breastfeed.
Wow. I have issues.
This means me & my ta-tas have been super occupied. And, as the baby is turning 4 weeks old tomorrow & I only have 6 more wks until I start the old job.... I'm looking for a good time to stop breastfeeding. I brought this up with J last night & it didn't go over as well as I though it would.
The catalyst for this discussion was my breast pump has pieces that are like impossible to dry after washing-- so inevitably a bit of mold ends up growing in this particular piece & you have to buy a new part. The new part is like $4. But the problem ain't money- it's GETTING to the freaking store!! Not only is traveling a huge deal w a newborn who isn't allowed in public yet, but the back-to-back blizzards don't make for particularly easy travel. So I felt defeated. And I tired of everyone preaching to me the benefits of breastfeeding. And, good Lord, I HAVE been breastfeeding. So I was stressed. And feeling guilty about wanting to discontinue. So I brought it up w J.
J was under the impression that the breastfeeding thing was going swimmingly. He thought it was great! He's normally extraordinarily sensitive to the plights I endure as a female, so it caught me off guard that he didn't know how I felt about my sore & leaking boobs and how the baby gets super cranky when she's fed exclusively via boob (as opposed to pumping and then bottle feeding). He also doesn't know how none of my shirts fit because I'm like a double D as opposed to a B cup. And considering all the benefits-- basically, he wants me to continue...like, forever. My tired, weary heart broke. And then I said mean words, which I feel bad about now.. And then he got defensive (rightfully so).
But what I found interesting was the fact that I needed his support in quitting. Normally, I do what I want. But for some reason I feel so freaking guilty about only breastfeeding til like 6 wks or so- that I need him to back me up. This morning the first thing he said was that I can quit whenever I want & that he understands (after we discussed how I felt).
But my boobs were super sore & full & we're in the midst of a blizzard & I have nothing better to do but breastfeed........so I figured......what the hell. I'll quit in a few weeks when work is on the horizon. I realized I don't dislike breastfeeding as much as I dislike the idea of being forced to breastfeed.
Wow. I have issues.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Snow Day
Remember when you were a kid, standing at the bus stop in the freezing cold anxiously awaiting the sight of that wretched yellow monster? Even though I had friends on the bus and had "fun," it was still all bullsh*t. I think children & adults everywhere would emotionally benefit from never having had to take a bus to school.
Remember how "bad" & "cool" were synonymous on the bus? This may have been unique to my bus, as it did pick up children in neighborhoods of questionable repute (which is terribly judgmental & not all children in those neighborhoods were bad kids). And, anyway, I think there were just like 1 or 2 bad kids, each with his own sidekick. But everyone feared them. It's funny to look back... bc these "scary" kids were like.... 12?
My older brother's good friend was the bad kid on the bus one yr. He was a thug (bc that was super f*ng cool back in jr high) & all the girls (aspiring rule-breakers, I suppose) found him so hot. My best "bus friend" was totally a thug-chick. To my credit, my options were limited! She started smoking at like 9, hung out at the mall, had friends who were making out behind said mall at an age where I was terrified of even kissing, etc... Oh, and she was obsessed w her Adidas coat. She loved this bad boy.
Sad ending: We all grew up. Bad boy had a son. My brother told me he raped (or sexually assaulted) a girl in a swimming pool in front of him. I don't know details. Ironically, my brother & this kid picked each other to be their respective sons' godfathers (???? not gonna comment). Anyway, I guess this kid's gf broke up w him back in '02 or '03. He called her to come over to his house- and to come around back to the sliding glass door. She complied & he was standing behind the locked door w a gun to his head. He pulled the trigger.
I never took the time to get to know this kid. I chalked him up to an a$$hole & never thought twice. I don't particularly regret this, as we probably had as much in common as I had with my best "bus friend"- which is not much... if anything.
Anyway, his suicide struck me as sad & crazy. Crazy mainly bc I never really considered life from his POV- but only from that of a spectator looking in. He seemed exceedingly confident. And he seemed to get whatever/whoever (?) he wanted- I never thought he aspired to be/do anything other than what he was. And I defined him as nothing but a "bad person." I certainly never envisioned him to be an individual filled w pain & sorrow. But he was. I further (& somewhat sheepishly) saw life more and more as shades of gray.
Remember how "bad" & "cool" were synonymous on the bus? This may have been unique to my bus, as it did pick up children in neighborhoods of questionable repute (which is terribly judgmental & not all children in those neighborhoods were bad kids). And, anyway, I think there were just like 1 or 2 bad kids, each with his own sidekick. But everyone feared them. It's funny to look back... bc these "scary" kids were like.... 12?
My older brother's good friend was the bad kid on the bus one yr. He was a thug (bc that was super f*ng cool back in jr high) & all the girls (aspiring rule-breakers, I suppose) found him so hot. My best "bus friend" was totally a thug-chick. To my credit, my options were limited! She started smoking at like 9, hung out at the mall, had friends who were making out behind said mall at an age where I was terrified of even kissing, etc... Oh, and she was obsessed w her Adidas coat. She loved this bad boy.
Sad ending: We all grew up. Bad boy had a son. My brother told me he raped (or sexually assaulted) a girl in a swimming pool in front of him. I don't know details. Ironically, my brother & this kid picked each other to be their respective sons' godfathers (???? not gonna comment). Anyway, I guess this kid's gf broke up w him back in '02 or '03. He called her to come over to his house- and to come around back to the sliding glass door. She complied & he was standing behind the locked door w a gun to his head. He pulled the trigger.
I never took the time to get to know this kid. I chalked him up to an a$$hole & never thought twice. I don't particularly regret this, as we probably had as much in common as I had with my best "bus friend"- which is not much... if anything.
Anyway, his suicide struck me as sad & crazy. Crazy mainly bc I never really considered life from his POV- but only from that of a spectator looking in. He seemed exceedingly confident. And he seemed to get whatever/whoever (?) he wanted- I never thought he aspired to be/do anything other than what he was. And I defined him as nothing but a "bad person." I certainly never envisioned him to be an individual filled w pain & sorrow. But he was. I further (& somewhat sheepishly) saw life more and more as shades of gray.
Friday, February 5, 2010
I'm Alive!
And also proud to admit that I did NOT exercise & instead decided to wait at least another week before attempting to walk. And by walk I mean WALK- not secretly run & pretend to walk. I agree that the physical sensations I was having- if nothing else- indicate that my body isn't yet ready for exercise. UGH. Pads, leaking boobs & a sedentary lifestyle, it is... although sitting around & staring at the babe never gets old to me (I confess). I also confess that I'm pumping right now in an attempt to increase my milk production.
On a similar note, beer is supposed to increase said milk production. So this afternoon I treated myself to a beer- a delicious IPA. Half a beer in, I'm totally buzzed & downloading music on iTunes like its nobody's business. Then I remember this old blog & decide to look back at old pre-baby entries. I discuss going out to dinner (imagine that! For the record, baby can't be in public til Feb 14), sleeping like a baby, drinking too much wine & I also mock the neighbors for enrolling their kid in Japanese lessons. Little did I know I'd be like 1,000 times less cool when my kid was like 3 wks old. I cried like a baby leaving her with my mom for 20 minutes while I hit up Target like old times. I also can barely remember studying for the bar.
I also watched this week's Grey's Anatomy. It was the first solid episode in awhile. How about Christina Yang? Pretty money this week! I've missed her & I'm glad they've been focusing on her.
Baby just woke up from her nap & needs to be changed & fed. Sorry this entry sucks, but I wanted to check in.
On a similar note, beer is supposed to increase said milk production. So this afternoon I treated myself to a beer- a delicious IPA. Half a beer in, I'm totally buzzed & downloading music on iTunes like its nobody's business. Then I remember this old blog & decide to look back at old pre-baby entries. I discuss going out to dinner (imagine that! For the record, baby can't be in public til Feb 14), sleeping like a baby, drinking too much wine & I also mock the neighbors for enrolling their kid in Japanese lessons. Little did I know I'd be like 1,000 times less cool when my kid was like 3 wks old. I cried like a baby leaving her with my mom for 20 minutes while I hit up Target like old times. I also can barely remember studying for the bar.
I also watched this week's Grey's Anatomy. It was the first solid episode in awhile. How about Christina Yang? Pretty money this week! I've missed her & I'm glad they've been focusing on her.
Baby just woke up from her nap & needs to be changed & fed. Sorry this entry sucks, but I wanted to check in.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Exercise Attempt Numero Uno
In the hospital, my doctor advised me not to exercise until my 6 week visit. Yesterday (2 weeks, 4 days post-birth), I rationalized that bc I didn't have stitches/c-section, I was exempt from this instruction: He was just being cautious. I mean, 9 months pregs I could still at least comfortably walk 2 miles... soo... I'll just walk (I told J). In my heart of hearts, though, I thought I'd at least end up running 3 miles.
I put J on baby duty. He admonished me for disregarding the doctor's orders. I didn't think he had heard what the doctor said. He had & he can be Mr. Follow-The-Rules.
With high hopes, I stepped on the treadmill & began walking. I remembered reading something about loosened joints & an increased injury risk. Anyway, by the time I had walked about a half a mile- WALKED- I felt some uncomfortable pressure "down there." It actually felt like I was giving birth again.... I jumped off the treadmill and went to the bathroom to check for severe bleeding or an infant or some sign of what the f*ck that feeling was- to no avail.
While sitting on the toilet (only bein' honest), I tried to google precisely what I was feeling to see if there were any other kindred spirits out there. The words to describe these uncomfortable sensations eluded me.
Now I'm kind of sad. I had no plans on waiting 6 wks to work out again. In fact, I still don't... bc as I type, I'm contemplating giving it another go to see what happens. The only thing holding me back is my exhaustion from only sleeping in 2.5-3 hr stints: To go to bed at 8pm.... or to attempt to run on the treadmill?
I put J on baby duty. He admonished me for disregarding the doctor's orders. I didn't think he had heard what the doctor said. He had & he can be Mr. Follow-The-Rules.
With high hopes, I stepped on the treadmill & began walking. I remembered reading something about loosened joints & an increased injury risk. Anyway, by the time I had walked about a half a mile- WALKED- I felt some uncomfortable pressure "down there." It actually felt like I was giving birth again.... I jumped off the treadmill and went to the bathroom to check for severe bleeding or an infant or some sign of what the f*ck that feeling was- to no avail.
While sitting on the toilet (only bein' honest), I tried to google precisely what I was feeling to see if there were any other kindred spirits out there. The words to describe these uncomfortable sensations eluded me.
Now I'm kind of sad. I had no plans on waiting 6 wks to work out again. In fact, I still don't... bc as I type, I'm contemplating giving it another go to see what happens. The only thing holding me back is my exhaustion from only sleeping in 2.5-3 hr stints: To go to bed at 8pm.... or to attempt to run on the treadmill?
Monday, February 1, 2010
Post-birth Tidbit
One more thing...
Were you aware that you have your period for WEEKS after giving birth? (which makes sense, if you think about it). But were you also aware that you can't stick anything up your who-ha for 6 weeks? This means........ you have to wear PADS.
DUDE. On top of leaking boobs & flabby abs, you're also feeling that same terrible sensation you experienced in 7th grade mere months before you discovered the wonder that is a tampon and never looked back. Pulling up your pants & feeling a large bulge in your underwear. UGH.
Mine has downgraded to spotting, but I do long for my regularly scheduled programming.
My friend paid me an enjoyable visit today to see my offspring & say good-bye before she ventures off to Seattle for the next few months. She leaves this Saturday & is staying in a sweet, furnished apartment building with a gym. I hope she does 3 things (on my behalf) that I adore & am not yet in the condition to do: takes a good long run, wears tampons, & gets laid. Best of luck, my friend, & please return with juicy stories!!!!!!
Were you aware that you have your period for WEEKS after giving birth? (which makes sense, if you think about it). But were you also aware that you can't stick anything up your who-ha for 6 weeks? This means........ you have to wear PADS.
DUDE. On top of leaking boobs & flabby abs, you're also feeling that same terrible sensation you experienced in 7th grade mere months before you discovered the wonder that is a tampon and never looked back. Pulling up your pants & feeling a large bulge in your underwear. UGH.
Mine has downgraded to spotting, but I do long for my regularly scheduled programming.
My friend paid me an enjoyable visit today to see my offspring & say good-bye before she ventures off to Seattle for the next few months. She leaves this Saturday & is staying in a sweet, furnished apartment building with a gym. I hope she does 3 things (on my behalf) that I adore & am not yet in the condition to do: takes a good long run, wears tampons, & gets laid. Best of luck, my friend, & please return with juicy stories!!!!!!
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