Emergence

Is that a word? Did I spell that right?

Anyway, must be the season of procreation because I have about a million baby showers to go to soon.  But more likely, I think people turn 30 and think "Holy crap, I better have a kid now."  No joke.  I say this mainly because my friend who like never reads this but always does read it whenever I mention her name (she must have some weird blog sixth sense) said to me, 'I'm effing 30 dude.  I want a baby.'

To be perfectly honest, I find '30' to be very arbitrary.  And..... young?  Maybe this is because in my neighborhood I'm the youngest.  Next youngest people are next door and 40- and even they seem young. People across the street are in their 80s.  Even they seem young.  And a hell of a lot more knowledgeable about home ownership than J and me.  I mean I've established on this blog that you can die anytime.... so if you die at 35, 34 is mad old.  If you're going to live to be 80, 30 is pretty freaking young.  So we never know at any point how young or old we are.  I think we all know where this is going:  The moral of the story is take magic mushrooms whenever you have the opportunity.  Because you never know where you will be offered them again.  This is on my bucket list.  I plan to be 78 and tripping on mushrooms in Amsterdam.   Ya know- something to tell the great great grandkids about.

My SIL (the pathological liar) is pregnant.  Their first kid is SOOOOOO hard to control.  My brother straight up told me he's praying the 2nd one will be better.  Haha  they were terrified to even try for another because of what might emerge from her womb.  That said,  my 9 month old is almost crawling and is whining like a mother lately.  Yesterday J and I briefly considered calling up the adoption agency and seeing if it was too late.  JK, H-monster.  I love you.  But seriously, I wanted her to be quiet really really bad.  Just for like 3 minutes while I collected my thoughts.

 Also, the daycare was sold to new owners last week.  I got tipsy Friday night and wrote the daycare owner a sweet email.  I woke up the next morning with the scaries, afraid I had professed my love for her or something (she was never a girl crush, but the director was a long time ago and I totally gave her a shout out in the email).  Anyway, since I am not a native of this tiny, close knit state, most everyone I've met has been through work, living nearby, or the daycare.  Lame, but true.  So like a pathetic little puppy, I developed a fondness for these owners who were kind of weird and maybe addicted to painkillers.  The woman gave me tons of hugs and told me to stay home with my babies.  She dressed up as Snow White for Halloween each year and looked exactly like Snow White.  Anyway, I didn't write anything weird.  And I realized how long it takes to really become acclimated with a new place when you aren't single and at the bars a lot.

Did I tell you we were invited to our next door neighbor's ("D's") birthday party?  D is turning 40 and I'm a little nervous because all their friends are old and rich and.... dull and don't really share my sense of humor.  My best mom-friend Lisa, thankfully, does, so I know I'm not the only person in the world who thinks what I say is funny.  But I think these neighbors look down on me for not having gotten the huge scratch on my car fixed for 5 months.  But it was only because my lease is up this month and I kept hitting the same fence and I only wanted to pay the $500 deductible once.  D's party is in a mansion and the mansion-wife is a lawyer for some huge oil company down in TX so she is only here on the weekends and mansion-husband is a retired school teacher (retired because his wife brings in so much dough) and spends his days overseeing working men at his house and walking his dog.  D told us that this couple "adopted" them and has them over for holidays and stuff.  Mansion-husband spends long hours talking to both our neighbors next door and always has, and J and I can't figure out what they talk about for so long.  Because they aren't laughing and having funny convos.  It's like weird quiet serious talking that they clearly don't want outsider (ahem... ME) to join in.  One time I was walking the dogs in December and mansion-husband said to me as I walked by his mansion, "Walking alone today?"  And I said, "Nobody is a fan of this cold weather in my house but me and the golden retriever."  And he said, "Well, you don't seem to mind it."  And I said, "Not today, at least!"  And then it was really awkward and I sort of ran away feeling violated and uncomfortable.  I feel like our conversation should've been easier than that.   Maybe I was nervous because of all the build up.  ANYWAY, I made myself feel better about my failed awkward conversation by deciding that he either wants to bang either the man or D who live next door to me (maybe both).   Back in the day on this blog I laughed about how D had some asian woman over giving speech lessons to their son.  It's so funny because now their son is 4 and spends the greater portion of his life staring in our windows, wanting to play with Monkey.  And, for the record, he speaks only English.  I guess the Japanese lessons weren't working out.  Haha  My point is that I can't figure out why my neighbors (particularly D) don't think I'm best friend material.  Ya know what? F*ck them.  Because I am.

Also on the docket is the fact that I've been desperately trying to get my girls to nap at the same time.  Know what Monk did?  The baby was sleeping and starting to wake up so in her crib, Monkey started yelling out in her "I'm trying to work up the baby" yell- to rouse the baby as she fell asleep.  I called J like, "I need this time!!  Ahhh!"  I really really wanted to watch the latest episode of Girls.  He said, "Let both of them cry.  It's nap time."  I knew I married him for a reason.  If I hadn't woken up with the baby at 5:30am, I dare say I would've thought of it myself.