Xmas

I need to vent pretty badly about J- my main vent-to friend is my best mom-friend who lives down the block because we are both in similar positions in life and very few of my other friends really are (a few are, but not many at all)- she has a 2.5 year old and has a husband that she loves but they have disagreements and you may be like, 'duh. all couples have disagreements.'  right?  But one of my married friends in particular, whenever I would need to vent she would be like, 'Have you discussed this with him?' and I could tell she was thinking 'M has a bad marriage and they have issues.'  But, really, I just wanted a friend to vent to bc J was acting like a guy, which can be totally annoying sometimes.  If your man doesn't act like a typical fucking dude sometimes, then you are LUCKY. 

Okay, so J is super emo when it comes to our finances.  Like, he is already worried about paying for our daughters' weddings.  Uhh... they are 1 and 2.  Also, my older brother's fiance (my future SIL who I really like) just paid $10K for FLOWERS for their upcoming wedding.  If my girls want that?  I will tell them no- I would rather GIVE THEM the $10K in cash than vicariously through flowers at their wedding.  I totally support biggish and fun weddings, but unless the paparazzi are going to be there, no.  The only people who would care about such a thing are not your true friends.  That, my lovely daughter, is a waste of money.  Basically, I feel like we will say to our daughters (if they are getting married or having a same-sex couple civil union ceremony - if that is even legal in the future - bc I feel like if the Tea Partiers get their way we will all be attending born again Christian services and never allowed to even SAY the word "gay" again):  "Here is $X.  Allocate it as you will."  I mean... J and I will decide what that amount is when we are, what, 60?  We are fucking 30 and 33, respectively.  WE GOT TIME. 

I digress.

So this morning I am perusing Amazon, sort of dreading bringing more toys into our house when I've learned that kids really only play with new toys for a second and then go back to either their favorites (in Monkey's case, baby dolls) or ask to watch TV (I say no, J always always says yes- to TV and chocolate milk, which is I guess what dads do).   And our neighbors always drop off their kids' old toys to our house so my girls are constantly getting new toys, which is kind of annoying bc I am trying not to spoil them and I hate clutter.  I say to J, "What are your thoughts on purchasing secondhand toys for Xmas?"  I want to get Monkey a baby doll high chair, baby doll crib, baby doll changing table, specifically.  She has 3 baby doll strollers and uses them constantly.  Homegirl loves baby dolls. J says, "Ok.... Wait.  I thought we were going to wrap up the toys we have in the basement from the neighbors and give those to the girls." 

Aside:  The neighbors give us a lot of partial toys and boy toys- they are all boys.  So the girls currently have a school bus and some construction trucks that they really don't play with.  The rest of the "toys" in the basement are 2 trashbags filled with half broken monster masks, random crappy cars and stuff.  He has never looked in the bags but has this idea that our basement is filled with toys suitable for Xmas morning.  He suddenly hates clutter in the basement, but the g-ddamn Ikea dresser from his bachelor days that I FINALLY got him to remove from our effing bedroom STILL SITS IN H'S ROOM!!!  Also, his old HUGE and HEAVY television set from the year 2000- dear God, please let that TV stop working- that sits on one of those POS Ikea end tables that are $7--> also still in H's room.  A room that we actively use every single day.  Our basement?  We never go down there.  God forbid there be 2 trash bags full of toys (and, ok, a large ugly plastic kitchen set that I want to throw away but we have to wait til our neighbor goes on vacation bc I don't want her to see it out on our curb.  It will hurt her feelings).  So J's "I hate clutter" streak is effing hilarious to me. 

I said to him, 'J.  Those toys are not even suitable for Goodwill.  If they were usable for Xmas gifts, I would totally use them. '

J said, 'Then what are they doing down there?'

I said, 'During the day, it is difficult to escape to the basement and throw out TOYS in front of our daughters.  I will do it now.'

So I did.

But before I did, I said, 'So if I can find a secondhand baby doll crib, I will get it ok?'  I don't even know why I said this.

J responded, 'I guess.'

I said, 'What do you mean?'

He intelligently responded, 'I don't know.'

Uhhh... Okay.  Now I am communicating with either an over-emo grown man or a gorilla.  All I wanted to do was create a Xmas toy game plan so we are on the same page.

Why, you ask?

Bc last year, we decided I would do the Xmas shopping and I did and it was nice and I kept things reasonable, considering we had a 4 month old and a 23 month old and they wouldn't remember a thing- I got a kitchen set and some books and random little toys.  Last minute, J went to Land of Nod and spent $200 on a beanbag chair and odds and ends.  DUUUUUUUUUuuuuude.  So much for keeping it reasonable for 2 babies who can't even open their own gifts. 

So I sort of wanted to have an idea of what we were going to spend (I do our budget).  This year he decided he wanted to wrap up shit from our basement and give it to them???? Also, he wears $400 shoes??? Why not wear $200 shoes and give them a nice Christmas.  I was thinking of trying to use 2ndhand gifts to be kind to the environment and cut down on the disgusting commercialism of Christmas, not rip off our children.  Ugh.  I guess this conversation particularly bothered me bc last minute I know he's going to go online at work and buy Monkey like $1000 diamond earrings or something insane like that. 

Okay, thanks for letting me vent.  I could not love J more and we are BFFs and have a great marriage.  But we fo sho get into it and it's mainly bc when it comes to money, he gets like immediately emotional and his mind screams "WE ARE BROKE! WE HAVE STUDENT LOANS!"  Yet, we are not broke.  In fact, we are so fortunate and blessed and lucky.  And then when I say that, he gets mad at me for suggesting we aren't broke and implies that I am a spendthrift (which is a laugh, considering he is far more of a spendthrift than I am).  Then he gets mad bc I compare us to people who live in wooden huts and stuff.  Which might be ridiculous but he compares us to millionaires, which I think is more ridiculous.  Especially since he isn't, like, trying to be a millionaire and hates his job, so..................also, he has like 1 friend who is a millionaire.  And J always says, "He is so lucky."  But this millionaire travels constantly for his job.  ONE TIME J had to go to Alabama, he was MISERABLE.  J was devastated that he couldn't see Monkey on the 2 mornings that he was away.  And then couldn't tuck her in at night.  Miserable.  How lucky is that millionaire?  Tell me.

I don't know.   But we ARE lucky.  Even poor people in this country have cell phones.  Iphones, usually.  Little computers we carry around in our pockets.  Even my nephew's mother who had her house foreclosed upon sits in box seats somehow at professional sporting events.  She just chooses to spend her money on entertainment as opposed to housing.  She isn't poor, she is just financially irresponsible.  And an idiot. 

J.  I love you.  But we are not poor.  I'm sorry.  :(