Snow Day

Remember when you were a kid, standing at the bus stop in the freezing cold anxiously awaiting the sight of that wretched yellow monster? Even though I had friends on the bus and had "fun," it was still all bullsh*t. I think children & adults everywhere would emotionally benefit from never having had to take a bus to school.



Remember how "bad" & "cool" were synonymous on the bus? This may have been unique to my bus, as it did pick up children in neighborhoods of questionable repute (which is terribly judgmental & not all children in those neighborhoods were bad kids). And, anyway, I think there were just like 1 or 2 bad kids, each with his own sidekick. But everyone feared them. It's funny to look back... bc these "scary" kids were like.... 12?



My older brother's good friend was the bad kid on the bus one yr. He was a thug (bc that was super f*ng cool back in jr high) & all the girls (aspiring rule-breakers, I suppose) found him so hot. My best "bus friend" was totally a thug-chick. To my credit, my options were limited! She started smoking at like 9, hung out at the mall, had friends who were making out behind said mall at an age where I was terrified of even kissing, etc... Oh, and she was obsessed w her Adidas coat. She loved this bad boy.



Sad ending: We all grew up. Bad boy had a son. My brother told me he raped (or sexually assaulted) a girl in a swimming pool in front of him. I don't know details. Ironically, my brother & this kid picked each other to be their respective sons' godfathers (???? not gonna comment). Anyway, I guess this kid's gf broke up w him back in '02 or '03. He called her to come over to his house- and to come around back to the sliding glass door. She complied & he was standing behind the locked door w a gun to his head. He pulled the trigger.



I never took the time to get to know this kid. I chalked him up to an a$$hole & never thought twice. I don't particularly regret this, as we probably had as much in common as I had with my best "bus friend"- which is not much... if anything.



Anyway, his suicide struck me as sad & crazy. Crazy mainly bc I never really considered life from his POV- but only from that of a spectator looking in. He seemed exceedingly confident. And he seemed to get whatever/whoever (?) he wanted- I never thought he aspired to be/do anything other than what he was. And I defined him as nothing but a "bad person." I certainly never envisioned him to be an individual filled w pain & sorrow. But he was. I further (& somewhat sheepishly) saw life more and more as shades of gray.