Happy New Year!

Last year my new year's resolution was to give birth.

I've thought of a FEW resolutions this year.

1. To obtain an EZ-Pass. No more sitting in a line of cars paying tolls for J & me.

2. To try to be a LITTLE bit more organized. I mean, everyone is like, 'To be a working mom the key is organization' blah blah blah. But I'm gonna give it a go.

Cleaning my closet is, like, numero uno. But my closet is sitting right next to me and I refuse to look at it. Resolution or not, there's no way in hell I'm tackling that monster tonight. I hate my clothes.

The reason for my absence is that I caught whatever the hell J & Monkey had. I woke up on Wednesday not wanting coffee. Always a bad sign. By 8am, I knew I was f*cking ill. Had to go to work, though, as I stayed home w Monk Monday and Tuesday. 11am I was hurling into my trash can in my office at work, staring at the clock and thinking "OMG. I cannot believe that I will be here for another 6 hours." I contemplated leaving but knew that at home, I would be caring for a baby while ill. I was f*cked either way. Today- 4 days later (?) I finally have my appetite back. But I didn't crave wine either. Know what that means? Like no drink of the nights. On NYE. I sipped chardonnay, but..... I felt like trash.

I love how MIL is always like, 'Do you have a meal planned for this evening?' And I always say to her, 'Are you Crazy? Who do you think I am? And anyway- your SON is the cook of the house' (since we had the baby, that is. I do love to cook). MIL then shakes her head disapprovingly like a mean-spirited June Cleaver. But I'm wondering if I should be a little more deliberate in this area. This is not a resolution.

3. Plan social events. I usually wait til someone propositions me. This year, I will proposition others.

4. Crush my thoughts of death.

At Target yesterday, I saw an old co-worker. She was buying Xmas decor on sale. I realized- she is buying ahead because she is pretty sure that she will be alive next Xmas. I would never buy ahead because I might be jinxing myself or something. HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CRAAAAAZYYYYY. This is some f*cked up logic. This is on the tail (tale?) of me saying "I've been doing better." And while I have on a day to day basis been more sane- I still have this lingering craziness going through my head. Ya know what? No more. If I die, I die. I won't know any better anyway. But to live as if you are doomed to die within the next week is f*cking nuts. And totally depressing. *Cuckoo*

5. I would like to be more generous of a person as well.

In other news, Monkey started standing up by herself (holding onto something). I will post a pic of those precious little legs. She also straight up slapped J across the face the other day and stared dead into his eyes. Haha, you never think when you are pregnant that the little innocent and vulnerable baby that you both love will one day stare one of you straight in the eyes with a deadpan expression and smack you across the face! J and I tried so hard not to laugh, but it was almost impossible.

Remember my vow to decorate more? Well, at the store today, I purchased kitchen hand towels that are white with red hearts on them for Valentine's Day. SO UNLIKE ME. J was like, 'For real?' It is one thing to decorate for Xmas, etc.. but Valentine's Day sucks, dude. I love J to death, but this holiday is lame and confusing to me. I don't feel sexy or loving in February. I feel pale and dry-skinned. Did I ever tell you (I think I did) how I felt pale, sloppy and dry skinned a few January's ago and then J and I traveled down to Mexico. The skin that will not moisturize no matter what became instantly- with no help of lotion- so moist. And tan. AHHHHHH!!!!! It was like a new body. Then we got blisteringly drunk w his co-workers, listened to an old lady ramble on about her love for s*x and ate shrimp cocktail via room service while we passed out watching pay per view movies (clean ones, FYI). Best vacation ever. The Northeast is rough terrain, folks. Anyway, the hand towels. When I said I wanted to be a mom that decorates- I meant it. All holidays. V-day included.