A few things I'm looking forward to:
1. Being able to bang again. I miss non-pregnant s*x. Unfortunately, we have just under 4 more wks to go.
2. The opportunity to work on my kegels in the meantime- despite having done countless kegels while pregnant, it's obvious things aren't up to snuff down there.
3. Baby not feeling so tiny and fragile. Perhaps I should look fondly upon nighttime feedings for this reason- she's growing!
4. Baby's first real smile, for obvious reasons.
5. Being able to exercise again... although I'm not sure when I'll find the time/energy/desire to do this. No ab stuff til 6 wks post-partum, though. Like I mentioned before, they have to "grow" back together first. Ick.
6. Spring (although I dread it partly bc I worry about the Baby in anyone else's care...but maybe after #3 is reached, I won't be so anal about leaving her w someone else).
7. Good SIL's baby's birth- I'm dying to know its gender.
8. Baby getting big enough to sleep through the night.
9. My step-dad finding a job. He lost his job 5 months ago & has been going on a lot of interviews. We certainly have our differences (and I wish he was normal), but I do pray that he finds a job.
I'm also trying to focus on the good parts of going back to work. Like being able to afford work clothes, paying back my student loans, using the legal side of my brain, etc... I would be much more excited about it if I was assured in some way that the baby would survive day care. My f*cked up mind keeps on dwelling on all the "what ifs"- What if someone drops her? What if someone is mean to her? What if she chokes? What if she suffocates bc she rolled over in her crib & nobody noticed? And part of me is jealous!! I'm jealous that someone else will be able to spend so much time w her (although I do hope they love her at daycare). So the jealousy thing is small. I can live w jealousy. The paranoia, though, has to go.
I also feel guilty about only having off 2.5 months for maternity leave. I feel like a bad mom.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Pregnancy Weight
Whilst on the phone w Jesus the other day, I decided to step on the scale to see where I was at weight-wise. I gained about 25 lbs during the ole' pregnancy. I have done NOTHING to lose the weight-- the idea of me running on a treadmill these passed 2 wks is laughable. So is the idea of me shopping for healthy food.
The only thing I've done is forget to eat a meal here & there (opting for caring for the woman-child or sleep) AND eating on the go (like... grabbing a piece of bread from the kitchen en route to changing a diaper & then breastfeeding). Before you know it- the next meal time is here.
I was shocked to learn that in 2 wks, I had lost 20 pounds. So if I decide to start trying to "lose the weight" (again... I just don't foresee this happening for a few more weeks), I'm at a better starting point than I thought I'd be. (Naturally, I've attributed my weight loss to my self-diagnosed melanoma... still paranoid about that).
This isn't uncommon, by the way. If you google things like, 'Weight loss after pregnancy,' you'll see that I'm not alone. I guess a lot of it is baby, placenta (gross), water, etc... People always told me this, but I never really believed it. So to all you females contemplating procreation out there: The weight comes off!!!
But my abs don't look the same- not at all. I didn't even realize I had abs before. I guess it takes time for your ab muscles to grow back together? They separate and crap as the baby grows in your stomach.
Oh, and I'm interested to see what my boobs look like after I'm done breastfeeding. I'm thinking amazon woman- long & thin. Lifeless. Hot.
Anyway, how depressing is it outside? January has always been my least favorite month... followed closely by February.. and then March. And then November. January is generally a month of sadness & loneliness (despite the solitary delight of my daughter's birth). And I'm thrilled that it's coming to a close.
The only thing I've done is forget to eat a meal here & there (opting for caring for the woman-child or sleep) AND eating on the go (like... grabbing a piece of bread from the kitchen en route to changing a diaper & then breastfeeding). Before you know it- the next meal time is here.
I was shocked to learn that in 2 wks, I had lost 20 pounds. So if I decide to start trying to "lose the weight" (again... I just don't foresee this happening for a few more weeks), I'm at a better starting point than I thought I'd be. (Naturally, I've attributed my weight loss to my self-diagnosed melanoma... still paranoid about that).
This isn't uncommon, by the way. If you google things like, 'Weight loss after pregnancy,' you'll see that I'm not alone. I guess a lot of it is baby, placenta (gross), water, etc... People always told me this, but I never really believed it. So to all you females contemplating procreation out there: The weight comes off!!!
But my abs don't look the same- not at all. I didn't even realize I had abs before. I guess it takes time for your ab muscles to grow back together? They separate and crap as the baby grows in your stomach.
Oh, and I'm interested to see what my boobs look like after I'm done breastfeeding. I'm thinking amazon woman- long & thin. Lifeless. Hot.
Anyway, how depressing is it outside? January has always been my least favorite month... followed closely by February.. and then March. And then November. January is generally a month of sadness & loneliness (despite the solitary delight of my daughter's birth). And I'm thrilled that it's coming to a close.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Sleep Deprivation
As promised, the name: We gave the baby the same name as Mila Kunis's character on That 70's Show (Officially, the longer version. But we exclusively refer to her by the short version).
We decided her name before the ultrasound that determined her gender- so when they told us it was a girl, we knew her name & never looked back. We had gone through I think every name that exists. We narrowed it down to her name, Sophie, & Mary- oddly. But we ultimately chose her name, as it's the name of my late great aunt who died of breast cancer when I was 9. She was my grandma's sister, and we're still very close to that side of the family. Her middle name is my mom's maiden name. So I guess that side of the family got some serious shout-outs.
I'm pretty freaking beat right now. She's in the midst of a growth spurt (you can tell bc she "cluster feeds"- snacking in between meals), making for a longer night than usual... although we've only had her for 2 wks! What's normal? Infants sleep in 3-4 hours spurts. 3 hours if breastfeeding.
Ahhh... breastfeeding. I foolishly thought this would be easy. In fairness, once you get the whole "latching" thing down, the act of breastfeeding isn't difficult. But it is not for the weak-hearted. It's a serious commitment. Breast milk digests faster than formula & for the first few months each feeding takes much longer at the boob than the bottle. So I can give her a bottle in 15-20 min OR I can breast feed her in 40-50 minutes. To save my sanity, I breast feed her properly during the day (most of the time) & pump at night and give her breastmilk through a bottle at night. If she's super hungry still, I'll also give her some formula. I recognize this makes me an evil & selfish mom. My only defense is that I'm doing my best.
The other obstacle is that sometimes my boobs & her hunger are on different schedules- I'll have super full boobs (hungry?) & NEED her to either eat or I need to pump. This is every 3 hrs or so. And its like a ticking time bomb. Like, right now- I'm about 10 minutes away from having to do something. I can wake her up, but if she's sleepy, she'll just fall asleep at the old boob. And the boobs stay full. So I'll probably pump & then when she wakes up give it to her. Supposedly pumping & feeding is more work, ultimately (according to the lactation consultant), but I'm too tired to get creative.
A final drawback to breastfeeding is that J told my MIL that I was doing it (I originally told her I wasn't- just to disappoint her. I never corrected her bc... well... it's none of her biz). So she then bombarded me w breastfeeding advice. DUDE. Doesn't she realize there are a million books on the topic (all of which I own), lactation consultants, nurses at the hospitals, pediatricians, friends who are currently doing the same thing, etc...? She hasn't breastfed in literally 30 yrs! It's SO AWKWARD- last wk she brought over USED cream that's intended for cow utters (she was using it for dry hands) that she didn't want anymore and hadn't used in like 5 yrs. It was all funky inside. She explained to me that it was good for sore nipples. I thanked her for the "gift" & then excused myself for a glass of water. I mean... I hate to be ungrateful, but.... in this case... I am ungrateful. I told my mom this story & my mom died laughing.
On that note, I miss my mom. I never saw this coming, but I wish she lived closer & could stop by after work and hang out w me. She's a crazy SOB, but she's not as crazy as MIL. And she doesn't ask about my nipples & she's not constantly judging me & it's heartwarming to see her immediate & unbridled her love for the baby.
Alright, I'm babbling. How did this turn into an "I love my mom" post???!!!!
We decided her name before the ultrasound that determined her gender- so when they told us it was a girl, we knew her name & never looked back. We had gone through I think every name that exists. We narrowed it down to her name, Sophie, & Mary- oddly. But we ultimately chose her name, as it's the name of my late great aunt who died of breast cancer when I was 9. She was my grandma's sister, and we're still very close to that side of the family. Her middle name is my mom's maiden name. So I guess that side of the family got some serious shout-outs.
I'm pretty freaking beat right now. She's in the midst of a growth spurt (you can tell bc she "cluster feeds"- snacking in between meals), making for a longer night than usual... although we've only had her for 2 wks! What's normal? Infants sleep in 3-4 hours spurts. 3 hours if breastfeeding.
Ahhh... breastfeeding. I foolishly thought this would be easy. In fairness, once you get the whole "latching" thing down, the act of breastfeeding isn't difficult. But it is not for the weak-hearted. It's a serious commitment. Breast milk digests faster than formula & for the first few months each feeding takes much longer at the boob than the bottle. So I can give her a bottle in 15-20 min OR I can breast feed her in 40-50 minutes. To save my sanity, I breast feed her properly during the day (most of the time) & pump at night and give her breastmilk through a bottle at night. If she's super hungry still, I'll also give her some formula. I recognize this makes me an evil & selfish mom. My only defense is that I'm doing my best.
The other obstacle is that sometimes my boobs & her hunger are on different schedules- I'll have super full boobs (hungry?) & NEED her to either eat or I need to pump. This is every 3 hrs or so. And its like a ticking time bomb. Like, right now- I'm about 10 minutes away from having to do something. I can wake her up, but if she's sleepy, she'll just fall asleep at the old boob. And the boobs stay full. So I'll probably pump & then when she wakes up give it to her. Supposedly pumping & feeding is more work, ultimately (according to the lactation consultant), but I'm too tired to get creative.
A final drawback to breastfeeding is that J told my MIL that I was doing it (I originally told her I wasn't- just to disappoint her. I never corrected her bc... well... it's none of her biz). So she then bombarded me w breastfeeding advice. DUDE. Doesn't she realize there are a million books on the topic (all of which I own), lactation consultants, nurses at the hospitals, pediatricians, friends who are currently doing the same thing, etc...? She hasn't breastfed in literally 30 yrs! It's SO AWKWARD- last wk she brought over USED cream that's intended for cow utters (she was using it for dry hands) that she didn't want anymore and hadn't used in like 5 yrs. It was all funky inside. She explained to me that it was good for sore nipples. I thanked her for the "gift" & then excused myself for a glass of water. I mean... I hate to be ungrateful, but.... in this case... I am ungrateful. I told my mom this story & my mom died laughing.
On that note, I miss my mom. I never saw this coming, but I wish she lived closer & could stop by after work and hang out w me. She's a crazy SOB, but she's not as crazy as MIL. And she doesn't ask about my nipples & she's not constantly judging me & it's heartwarming to see her immediate & unbridled her love for the baby.
Alright, I'm babbling. How did this turn into an "I love my mom" post???!!!!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Love
You know how people love to fall in love? I always found falling in love disturbing- mainly, I think, bc it makes you so vulnerable. Now that you're in love, that love can be taken from you in a number of ways- death, break up, cheating, etc... You're relinquishing control by falling in love. And I love feeling in control.
Perhaps foolishly, I didn't anticipate that having a baby would feel precisely like falling in love- complete w the awareness of vulnerability & fear. When J & I discussed having a baby we thought (or at least I thought), "This will be fun! A baby!" Had I known that motherhood would feel like a desperate love-at-first-sight, I may have at least had the opportunity to prepare myself. Mix in a post-partum horomone cocktail, and you have a crazy version of myself. The first week of baby's life, I cried at EVERYTHING (aka the Baby Blues): news stories about animals, the sight of our dogs, the baby smiling/farting, the idea of going back to work, the idea of J leaving the house even for a second, the idea of the baby going to kindergarten, etc... I'm proud to say that my horomones have regulated at least to the extent that I have a grip on my tears. I must add that I thought the Baby Blues were exclusively when you were overwhelmed by baby duties & weren't sure that having a baby was for you- I didn't realize it extends to situations where you're obsessed w the baby & you have crazy anxieties about the baby's well being & cry at things unrelated to the baby. When I was pregnant, I was able to emotionally remove myself from the baby and hope that she had X color eyes, X color hair, X trait, etc.. but now that she's here, none of that matters at all- just her health & happiness. She could have 11 legs & I wouldn't care. I'd love her w the same intensity- and I love her something fierce.
But, like I said, I've gotten a grip- thank God. Nothing is worse than being horomonal.
Thus ends the cheesey section of my post. Now to begin the "I'm still crazy" section.
So yesterday I decided that a freckle on my stomach- that had been there forever- was melanoma. It was slightly abnormal looking. So I called every dermatologist in the city until I found one w a same-day opening. I rushed in & had that sucker cut out. The lab results won't be in for 2-3 wks!!! I spent the rest of the day mourning my early death. The doctor told me she doesn't think this is cancerous & not to lose sleep over it. But, to me, that translated into, 'You have 3 months to live- max.' J translated this entire episode to mean, 'M is still suffering from some emotional baby sh*t.' I really hope he's right & I'm wrong. I'll keep you posted on the timeline of my life. To his credit, I have developed an irrational fear that I will die early & not be able to see the baby grow up. See what motherhood is doing to me? Making me nuts!
I will post the baby's name in the next post (& then I have to take it down in case my mother-in-law somehow googles her name and "dogs" or some telling combination of words and comes across this blog)!
Perhaps foolishly, I didn't anticipate that having a baby would feel precisely like falling in love- complete w the awareness of vulnerability & fear. When J & I discussed having a baby we thought (or at least I thought), "This will be fun! A baby!" Had I known that motherhood would feel like a desperate love-at-first-sight, I may have at least had the opportunity to prepare myself. Mix in a post-partum horomone cocktail, and you have a crazy version of myself. The first week of baby's life, I cried at EVERYTHING (aka the Baby Blues): news stories about animals, the sight of our dogs, the baby smiling/farting, the idea of going back to work, the idea of J leaving the house even for a second, the idea of the baby going to kindergarten, etc... I'm proud to say that my horomones have regulated at least to the extent that I have a grip on my tears. I must add that I thought the Baby Blues were exclusively when you were overwhelmed by baby duties & weren't sure that having a baby was for you- I didn't realize it extends to situations where you're obsessed w the baby & you have crazy anxieties about the baby's well being & cry at things unrelated to the baby. When I was pregnant, I was able to emotionally remove myself from the baby and hope that she had X color eyes, X color hair, X trait, etc.. but now that she's here, none of that matters at all- just her health & happiness. She could have 11 legs & I wouldn't care. I'd love her w the same intensity- and I love her something fierce.
But, like I said, I've gotten a grip- thank God. Nothing is worse than being horomonal.
Thus ends the cheesey section of my post. Now to begin the "I'm still crazy" section.
So yesterday I decided that a freckle on my stomach- that had been there forever- was melanoma. It was slightly abnormal looking. So I called every dermatologist in the city until I found one w a same-day opening. I rushed in & had that sucker cut out. The lab results won't be in for 2-3 wks!!! I spent the rest of the day mourning my early death. The doctor told me she doesn't think this is cancerous & not to lose sleep over it. But, to me, that translated into, 'You have 3 months to live- max.' J translated this entire episode to mean, 'M is still suffering from some emotional baby sh*t.' I really hope he's right & I'm wrong. I'll keep you posted on the timeline of my life. To his credit, I have developed an irrational fear that I will die early & not be able to see the baby grow up. See what motherhood is doing to me? Making me nuts!
I will post the baby's name in the next post (& then I have to take it down in case my mother-in-law somehow googles her name and "dogs" or some telling combination of words and comes across this blog)!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Week 1
Today is the baby's 1 week birthday. As cheesey as it sounds, I feel like I've loved her forever. She's still in the sleepy infant stage, so she's been really really good- let's pray that it lasts!
J is returning from the store shortly w things that we need, but a few notes on my labor:
1. Bless the Lord- I did not tear or need to be cut- so I have no stitches! She was 6 lbs, 10.5 ounces, 20 inches long.
2. I felt like the worst part of labor was not knowing how things would pan out. When the doctor told me it was time to start pushing soon, I started crying- bc I knew this is the part where you either rip or are cut OR the baby isn't "progressing" through the birth canal & you need a c-section. My 2 nurses were the best (1 on first shift, 1 on second). The nurse that delivered was named Katie and she was about 24. There was nobody in the room except me, Katie, & J (this surprised me- I envisioned a much more public affair). The doctor didn't come in til the baby was literally hanging out- he just caught her.
3. I didn't poop on the delivery table, nor did I get hemerhoids (sp? you know what I'm talking about).
4. I also cried when my first nurse told me her shift was over & she had to leave (I was on some sort of narcotic at this point).
5. I did get an epidural - it wasn't that bad. Although I definitely don't think it was awesome. Not being able to feel your body from the waist down is disconcerting. But not as disconcerting as having an IV. I couldn't even look at that thing without wanting to vomit.
6. On that note, I didn't vomit like I thought I would. Although w each new contraction, I knew it was coming on because I felt like I had to vomit.
7. The baby's heartrate drops w each contractions as it makes its way through the birth canal. Even though I was forewarned, it was super scary to hear the beeping sound that indicated her heartbeat dropped below normal. This was a huge motivator in terms of pushing really hard.
8. I pushed so hard I almost blacked out. I didn't moan or make any of those weird noises you make on TV. Your'e not supposed to, either- they want long, steady pushes. Not little pushes that usually accompany grunting, etc... Unfortunately, when I would push so hard I felt like I was going to black out, the nurse would cheer and say, 'Just like that, M. Give me another one- just like that. You can do it!' Early on she said to me, 'M, I feel like you're not pushing hard because you feel like you're going to poop. I want you to know I see everyone's poop. It doesn't make a difference to me either way. I've seen it all.' This actually made me feel better. And, again, once I saw the heartrate thing, I didn't care if I pooped either. But at the end, Katie still said to me, 'You didn't poop!!!' I love Katie. Both my nurses came to visit me the next few days when I was moved to a different unit.
9. I looked down at my vagina that night & saw something unrecognizable. It looked like an inflatable vagina. I asked the nurse if it was supposed to look like that. She said yes & not to look again for a few more days. 2 days later, I looked again & was happy to see that it deflated & looked normal (but didn't feel normal).
10. They gave me Tylenol w Codeine in the hospital. I didn't have the baby room w me bc I was worried she'd be crying & I wouldn't hear her... or I worried that she'd stop breathing & I'd have to call the nurse & I wouldn't know how to call her fast enough, etc...
11. Right now my boobs are as big as a Playboy Playmate. I kid you not. It is incredible. But I still like 'em small.
Thank you for the congrats & well wishes. They really mean a lot. :)
J is returning from the store shortly w things that we need, but a few notes on my labor:
1. Bless the Lord- I did not tear or need to be cut- so I have no stitches! She was 6 lbs, 10.5 ounces, 20 inches long.
2. I felt like the worst part of labor was not knowing how things would pan out. When the doctor told me it was time to start pushing soon, I started crying- bc I knew this is the part where you either rip or are cut OR the baby isn't "progressing" through the birth canal & you need a c-section. My 2 nurses were the best (1 on first shift, 1 on second). The nurse that delivered was named Katie and she was about 24. There was nobody in the room except me, Katie, & J (this surprised me- I envisioned a much more public affair). The doctor didn't come in til the baby was literally hanging out- he just caught her.
3. I didn't poop on the delivery table, nor did I get hemerhoids (sp? you know what I'm talking about).
4. I also cried when my first nurse told me her shift was over & she had to leave (I was on some sort of narcotic at this point).
5. I did get an epidural - it wasn't that bad. Although I definitely don't think it was awesome. Not being able to feel your body from the waist down is disconcerting. But not as disconcerting as having an IV. I couldn't even look at that thing without wanting to vomit.
6. On that note, I didn't vomit like I thought I would. Although w each new contraction, I knew it was coming on because I felt like I had to vomit.
7. The baby's heartrate drops w each contractions as it makes its way through the birth canal. Even though I was forewarned, it was super scary to hear the beeping sound that indicated her heartbeat dropped below normal. This was a huge motivator in terms of pushing really hard.
8. I pushed so hard I almost blacked out. I didn't moan or make any of those weird noises you make on TV. Your'e not supposed to, either- they want long, steady pushes. Not little pushes that usually accompany grunting, etc... Unfortunately, when I would push so hard I felt like I was going to black out, the nurse would cheer and say, 'Just like that, M. Give me another one- just like that. You can do it!' Early on she said to me, 'M, I feel like you're not pushing hard because you feel like you're going to poop. I want you to know I see everyone's poop. It doesn't make a difference to me either way. I've seen it all.' This actually made me feel better. And, again, once I saw the heartrate thing, I didn't care if I pooped either. But at the end, Katie still said to me, 'You didn't poop!!!' I love Katie. Both my nurses came to visit me the next few days when I was moved to a different unit.
9. I looked down at my vagina that night & saw something unrecognizable. It looked like an inflatable vagina. I asked the nurse if it was supposed to look like that. She said yes & not to look again for a few more days. 2 days later, I looked again & was happy to see that it deflated & looked normal (but didn't feel normal).
10. They gave me Tylenol w Codeine in the hospital. I didn't have the baby room w me bc I was worried she'd be crying & I wouldn't hear her... or I worried that she'd stop breathing & I'd have to call the nurse & I wouldn't know how to call her fast enough, etc...
11. Right now my boobs are as big as a Playboy Playmate. I kid you not. It is incredible. But I still like 'em small.
Thank you for the congrats & well wishes. They really mean a lot. :)
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Baby Born!
I just wanted to update that I have successfully completed my New Year's resolution for 2001- I've given birth. While ultimately extraordinarily rewarding, I found the process to be every bit as traumatizing as I thought it would be!
We just got home from the hospital. Write more soon!
We just got home from the hospital. Write more soon!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Yesterday
I MUST have been exhausted yesterday. My post is a disaster.
The stripping of the membranes typically worsens one's cramps, but made mine much more bearable. Who knew? So I was able to sleep for like a million hours yesterday. J is the one who now has insomnia, which is kind of cute. But it didn't induce labor or anything, which I look at as very positive, considering my car is at the dealership today for maintenance & J has a ton of work to do. And I also want to clean & do laundry, etc... The doctor said due to the positioning of the baby, he'll induce me at any time. I should just show up to the hospital. So I'm thinking either Friday or Monday? When my cramping is gone, I feel like there's no rush bc I'm not uncomfortable. But the second they return, I'm ready to grab my bags & get this thing outta there.
BTW- the membrane stripping is not nearly as creepy as it sounds. I envisioned he'd use a tool similar to the tool that strips paint off of an old piece of beat-up furniture. But all he did was take his fingers, shove 'em up as far as they'd go into my cervix & separate the amniotic sac from my uterus around the cervix. He was gripping the baby's head all the while. I asked him whether she was face up or face down, but he said he wasn't far enough up there to get a feel for her face. He did note he felt the sutures of her skull!!!!! NUTS!
As for nesting? Still not feeling that urge. Despite this lack of urge, I have been cleaning- albeit begrudgingly. Doing the laundry this morning felt like a total drag. I didn't feel full of energy and ready to organize. My mom might spend the night after she sees the baby (depending on when this sucker is born), so I have to organize the guest bedroom- J has a book in there of old-fashioned porn that we've been meaning to throw away. At this point, though, I'm tempted to just say to my mom to save J from embarassment, 'Disregard the old-fashioned porn book. I was too lazy to throw it away. It's mine' Just so I don't have to fetch it and chuck it in the trash.
I don't mind anyone spending the night, but I worry a lot about the dogs (shocker). I worry that my mom will think she's doing us a favor by letting them out back & she won't realize the gate is open. I worry that she won't be able to put them in their "room" & then she'll walk out the front door & they will burst out with her. SO MANY WORRIES!
The stripping of the membranes typically worsens one's cramps, but made mine much more bearable. Who knew? So I was able to sleep for like a million hours yesterday. J is the one who now has insomnia, which is kind of cute. But it didn't induce labor or anything, which I look at as very positive, considering my car is at the dealership today for maintenance & J has a ton of work to do. And I also want to clean & do laundry, etc... The doctor said due to the positioning of the baby, he'll induce me at any time. I should just show up to the hospital. So I'm thinking either Friday or Monday? When my cramping is gone, I feel like there's no rush bc I'm not uncomfortable. But the second they return, I'm ready to grab my bags & get this thing outta there.
BTW- the membrane stripping is not nearly as creepy as it sounds. I envisioned he'd use a tool similar to the tool that strips paint off of an old piece of beat-up furniture. But all he did was take his fingers, shove 'em up as far as they'd go into my cervix & separate the amniotic sac from my uterus around the cervix. He was gripping the baby's head all the while. I asked him whether she was face up or face down, but he said he wasn't far enough up there to get a feel for her face. He did note he felt the sutures of her skull!!!!! NUTS!
As for nesting? Still not feeling that urge. Despite this lack of urge, I have been cleaning- albeit begrudgingly. Doing the laundry this morning felt like a total drag. I didn't feel full of energy and ready to organize. My mom might spend the night after she sees the baby (depending on when this sucker is born), so I have to organize the guest bedroom- J has a book in there of old-fashioned porn that we've been meaning to throw away. At this point, though, I'm tempted to just say to my mom to save J from embarassment, 'Disregard the old-fashioned porn book. I was too lazy to throw it away. It's mine' Just so I don't have to fetch it and chuck it in the trash.
I don't mind anyone spending the night, but I worry a lot about the dogs (shocker). I worry that my mom will think she's doing us a favor by letting them out back & she won't realize the gate is open. I worry that she won't be able to put them in their "room" & then she'll walk out the front door & they will burst out with her. SO MANY WORRIES!
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