Sleep Deprivation

As promised, the name: We gave the baby the same name as Mila Kunis's character on That 70's Show (Officially, the longer version. But we exclusively refer to her by the short version).

We decided her name before the ultrasound that determined her gender- so when they told us it was a girl, we knew her name & never looked back. We had gone through I think every name that exists. We narrowed it down to her name, Sophie, & Mary- oddly. But we ultimately chose her name, as it's the name of my late great aunt who died of breast cancer when I was 9. She was my grandma's sister, and we're still very close to that side of the family. Her middle name is my mom's maiden name. So I guess that side of the family got some serious shout-outs.

I'm pretty freaking beat right now. She's in the midst of a growth spurt (you can tell bc she "cluster feeds"- snacking in between meals), making for a longer night than usual... although we've only had her for 2 wks! What's normal? Infants sleep in 3-4 hours spurts. 3 hours if breastfeeding.

Ahhh... breastfeeding. I foolishly thought this would be easy. In fairness, once you get the whole "latching" thing down, the act of breastfeeding isn't difficult. But it is not for the weak-hearted. It's a serious commitment. Breast milk digests faster than formula & for the first few months each feeding takes much longer at the boob than the bottle. So I can give her a bottle in 15-20 min OR I can breast feed her in 40-50 minutes. To save my sanity, I breast feed her properly during the day (most of the time) & pump at night and give her breastmilk through a bottle at night. If she's super hungry still, I'll also give her some formula. I recognize this makes me an evil & selfish mom. My only defense is that I'm doing my best.

The other obstacle is that sometimes my boobs & her hunger are on different schedules- I'll have super full boobs (hungry?) & NEED her to either eat or I need to pump. This is every 3 hrs or so. And its like a ticking time bomb. Like, right now- I'm about 10 minutes away from having to do something. I can wake her up, but if she's sleepy, she'll just fall asleep at the old boob. And the boobs stay full. So I'll probably pump & then when she wakes up give it to her. Supposedly pumping & feeding is more work, ultimately (according to the lactation consultant), but I'm too tired to get creative.

A final drawback to breastfeeding is that J told my MIL that I was doing it (I originally told her I wasn't- just to disappoint her. I never corrected her bc... well... it's none of her biz). So she then bombarded me w breastfeeding advice. DUDE. Doesn't she realize there are a million books on the topic (all of which I own), lactation consultants, nurses at the hospitals, pediatricians, friends who are currently doing the same thing, etc...? She hasn't breastfed in literally 30 yrs! It's SO AWKWARD- last wk she brought over USED cream that's intended for cow utters (she was using it for dry hands) that she didn't want anymore and hadn't used in like 5 yrs. It was all funky inside. She explained to me that it was good for sore nipples. I thanked her for the "gift" & then excused myself for a glass of water. I mean... I hate to be ungrateful, but.... in this case... I am ungrateful. I told my mom this story & my mom died laughing.

On that note, I miss my mom. I never saw this coming, but I wish she lived closer & could stop by after work and hang out w me. She's a crazy SOB, but she's not as crazy as MIL. And she doesn't ask about my nipples & she's not constantly judging me & it's heartwarming to see her immediate & unbridled her love for the baby.

Alright, I'm babbling. How did this turn into an "I love my mom" post???!!!!