Pics!

Sorry for the glitch.  The mental glitch- I started a post at work and had a crazy bout of paranoia and thought I'd keep it private for the next 24 hours in case someone cruised my internet history.  Although, I suppose, if they did that, I'd be fired already.  I've clicked on numerous NSFW pics this year (Kim Kardashi*n na*ked as one of them).

So this is ME at 20 weeks, 5 days.

 And this is the baby that resides within me.

Her gender was confirmed today at an ultrasound and - thank goodness- my placenta moved up so I do not have to have a c-section.  While I'm not a fan of my suzie stretching to accomodate a baby, if I had the opportunity to not have something pregnancy related happen to me, it would be the ultimate boob deflation at the end of it all.  Now that I have nice full Bs (at least), I realize just how unhappy I was with my sagging little almost-As.  They made me hate being naked.  And that's no fun.  After I'm done popping out kiddos, I'm getting surgery.  Nothing crazy- just full Bs.  Hell, half Bs.  Non-sagging A's.  Maybe I just need a lift? I'll price it.

I've also come to terms with how nervous I am about having 2 babies.  I see on blogs and on baby boards sheer excitement (typically first time moms) that appears to be untainted by the anxieties I have.

We visited my college roommate ("N") and her 10 week old son.  N asked if I wanted to hold the baby and of course I said yes.  He was the sweetest most well-behaved baby I'd ever met.  If I knew my baby would be that good, maybe I would be less anxious.  Anyway, I nabbed the baby and Monkey saw.  And subsequently had a meltdown- toddled over, hands up in the air, tears streaming down her cheeks.  I felt terrible.  Later J held the baby & mentioned Monkey might get jealous.  Monkey saw J holding the baby, smiled and waved.  Ha!  J's on baby duty!  God, I have no idea how this is going to work out.  I guess 4.5 months (or so) leaves her some time to change and not become jealous?  I just don't want Monkey to feel displaced. 

Another concern I have is sleep.  What if the baby never wants to sleep?  These days I am tired at like 930-10pm.  What if the baby isn't ready to go to bed yet?  How did that work with Monkey?  I can't remember!  I remember really stressing about this with Monkey too and it all turned out okay.

I guess that's covers my main concerns.  I think I'm going to have my doctor give me new anxiety meds in case I need them after the baby.  I don't like Xanax, I decided.  It makes me sleepy. 

In the ultrasounds, when I see the little baby, though, it all feels like it will be alright.  This pregnancy is pretty much identical to my pregnancy with Monkey.  I wonder how similar they will be in general?

Member Jesus? She found out she is having a 2nd boy.  They are the ying to our yang.

This weekend we're painting Monkey's "big girl" room.  I took a before picture and will be sure to post after pics.  The room is currently our guest room and is teal.  I decided on really really light gray.