Soon, but not quite yet.
A female attorney at my firm called to set up a lunch date w me for next week. She's the only other female lawyer in that office with kids, so they may have set her up to it (but we always got along previously, so I'm sure she wouldn't have minded meeting up w me).
When I got her message & then called her back, I felt like "Old M"- the M who went to law school & did lawyerly work in the summers & one day fully intended on being a lawyer. I had an enormous surge of missing "Old M" combined with excitement at the prospect of *finally* getting to start working at this firm that was basically my dream firm for years before I landed the job.
Shortly after this burst of excitement, I was unexpectedly consumed with GUILT over feeling even remotely excited about starting work. I guess a huge part of me feels guilty leaving monkey during the day, even though I know the odds are high that she'll be fine. For a moment, I didn't feel guilty anymore, and then I felt guilty for not feeling guilty. Like I'm not being selfless enough.
I don't know if these feelings are normal, but they're going to be short-lived in my life. Needless guilt is unwelcome and time-consuming.
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