Thoughts...and a Nasty Rant

because I know you're on the edge of your seat...

*Last night I noticed Monkey was crying real tears. So I tasted one and it was salty. I reported it to J & we were both like, 'AWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' If we weren't already (we were), we have become those lame-a$$ parents.

*Today at the grocery store a little old lady asked me for help reaching oats on the top shelf. She then cooed at Monkey for awhile & complimented her exemplary grocery-store demeanor. Then she told me to remember that all babies are durable & you just gotta give them a lot of love. Well, little old lady, I love you. And you brightened my day. I love, love old people.

*RANT on MIL- you may want to skip over this part-nothing you haven't read before After my daycare visit I had a mini-meltdown. I know it isn't a MIL's duty to babysit grandkids (I do think, though, that a GOOD grandmother WANTS to watch her grandkids- at least for an hour- a la MY MOM. So while it's not in the job description, they can't loudly proclaim their love/adoration for their grandkids. You lose that privilege.) Note: I don't mind Monkey going to daycare- I just wish she could start a bit later than 3 months. Like 3.5 months. I can't get over that she won't watch Monk for even ONE DAY. I know she doesn't do anything all day but mill around (she has cleaning people, no kids/job/friends/volunteer work/hobbies- I mean-- I WAS her last fall (when I wasn't babysitting) & I didn't do jack. I just don't see how a week (or 2 days.. or a half day) of her life spent helping us out would detract from her existence in any way. Again, I'm all the more grateful for my own fam. I'm contemplating straight-up asking her- bc I want her to SAY aloud "no" & force her to come up w an excuse. And, again, I know it isn't her job- but it makes me like her less. I feel bad for J that this is his mother. He acknowledges what a bad grandma she is, but it's his mom- so he gets upset when I trash talk her. So I don't do it to his face.

But as my time to work draws near, my anger towards her increases. I know holding grudges isn't right, but I'm having trouble letting it go. So I've been passively seeking revenge by not updating her on Monkey or including her in Monkey's life like I could be (I send my mom, grandmothers, and aunts Monkey pics & stats regularly). I respond to her emails as briefly as possible. I know in my heart of hearts it isn't my job to punish her. But I feel like if she were truly interested in Monkey's well-being and truly loved her like my mom does, she'd want to prolong daycare as long as possible- and she has told me before that she finds daycare "gross." Again, I don't want to say anything to J bc it just makes his life more complicated. But the 5th grader in me wants him to tell his mom how much she sucks & to yell at her for being a sh*tty person.

I am filled with so much bitterness. I hate this feeling. I have to focus on the little old lady at the grocery store & the fact that Monkey will only be 3 months for 1 month & then she'll get older. And w the next kid, I will be able to take 6 months maternity leave & will be able to spend long days with Monkey once more. Perhaps MIL loves Monkey as much as she can- perhaps her capacity for love isn't as great. What if she just spent her entire sad life waiting for her husband to retire (she has no friends) & now that he has, she wants to be available for whenever he decides to hang out w her sorry a$$ (he's a busy, fun-loving dude. She's a hermit).

Whatever. Next time that b*tch knocks on my door to bring me used nipple cream, I'm slamming it in her face.

Disclaimer: I don't walk around in my everyday life this miserable-I'm actually incredibly nice to my in-laws. And sometimes I even think, 'See? they're not that bad.' But no sooner do I begin to think it's time to change my bitter ways when MIL tells me she finds daycare gross while in the same breath asking if I think she's a bad grandma for not helping out. So, wait- I do have sh*tty in-laws. These are things I just can't deny. My friends have good in-laws. I don't.